Mad People in the Narutoverse
by mariXwic32
Summary: Akiri and her friends travel to the Narutoverse after the big battle, they have to find a way to get Ichibi back to life, but what happens when she gets flashes from the future? And Gods in the real world?
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own naruto, but I do however own this fucking awesome fan fic!**

**Thanx for all the whacky reviews I got, keep em coming!**

**Kisame: here we go again...**

**Me: *stuffs Kisame in a barrel and throws him off a cliff* enjoy!**

**Deidara: whatever, uhn.**

**Me: *shoots deidara with a 9 clibre gun* *laughs like a maniac* enjoy!**

Chapter 1: Scotland the Brave

A honorment to Scotland and its impressiveness!

"GAHH!" Itachi screamed; its the seventh Scottish bagpipe song that Akiri was playing that day in memory of the ones who died a few days earlier.

Scotland the Brave was playing, Itachi was running around the courtyard, trying to get away from the noise. Who knew that girl could play bagpipes so well? Sasuke as well was running in circles.

"Get it out! GET IT TO STOP!" The two Uchihas were half crying, half screaming as they ran the marathon outside. Deidara, Naruto and Kisame were rolling around with laughter watching the two from their spot on the roof.

Once the song finally ended and no other songs were played, the two Uchihas fell down on their backsides huffing for breath. Akiri came down from her room after putting the bagpipes away. She called for a meeting in the great hall, went to the bathroom and then to the great hall.

Everyone was gathered there already so she walked up the stairs and sat down on the old throne. She sighed. "Well, guess what tomorrow is guys?"

The magical creatures were going nuts as to how excited they were. Akiri smiled, and then saw the ninjas didn't get the memo.

She laughed. "Well, I can see the magical ones know what tomorrow is, let me tell the rest of you..."

Naruto shifted his weight to his other foot. Akiri leaned back in the throne throwing her leg over one of the arm rests. "Beltane my friends." All the pixies and nymphs cheered loudly, jumping up and down excitedly. Gaara stood there, dumbfounded.

"Wait, so you're not still mad about the others who died two weeks ago?"

"Nope, we'll mourn for them later. Beltane is the best day to celebrate!"

Itachi stared at her. "Why?"

Akiri smiled softly. "Its the day of eternal magic."

The pixies and fairies were buzzing around wildly, making preperations. The nymphs were already outside decorating the large courtyard. The other magical creatures were helping around, gathering wood for the bonfire, grabbing fruits and other things.

A few hours later, the whole group of ninja just stood there dumbfounded, as well as Akiri's remaining friends. "Come guys, its almost time."

"But its like what? Two in the frickin' morning now!" Akuto complained.

"Yes, that's why I've kept you here for a while." Akiri pranced off to her room, grabbing Kisame in the process. "Now," she rummaged through the large closet. "Ah! Found it!" She pulled out a celtic dress. "What do you think?"

"I'm so not wearing _that_!" Kisame exclaimed, taking a step back.

Akiri laughed. "Its not for you, its mine!" She rummaged around in the closet a little more. "This is yours." She threw Kisame a loose tunic and cotton pants.

"Wha-?"

"Just put it on!"

Kisame sighed and then undressed, eying the wierd clothing.

Akiri was already dressed in the long brown and gold dress, looking at herself in the mirror. "I need a haircut. Like almost 30 centimetres off."

Yes, her hair was extremely long, and she wanted it down to her waist. Kisame gasped. "NO!"

"Ag, fuck you. Minnet!" She called. A pretty dryad waltzed into her room.

"Oh my! You look fantastic you majesty!"

"Why thank you." Akiri bowed. "I was wondering, could you cut my hair up to my waist?"

Minnet pondered for a moment and then jumped excitedly. "Sure!"

Kisame sighed in defeat. _**Why me?**_ He thought.

A few minutes later, Akiri stood up from her seat and looked at herself in the mirror. "It looks fantastic! Thanks so much Minnet!" She bowed and then the nymph left to continue with the decorations.

Akiri looked at Kisame and smiled. "What?"

"You look brilliant!" She pulled him to the mirror. He looked himself up and down and smirked.

"Well damn, I think I do." He boasted.

"Great, let's get the others dressed too!" Akiri pranced downstairs with Kisame behind her.

They didn't find them in the hall, so they checked in the rooms. They found them all right, busy dressing and Akuto trying to get away from Naruto's grasp.

"Hurry up guys! We only have one more hour and then I want everyone in the courtyard!" Akiri bounded out of the room and then to the courtyard.

She stared in wonder at the place. "Just like old times." She said, smiling widely.

Kisame sighed and followed her, she was greeting new guests to the palace. Some were creatures he'd never seen before in his life. Thousands of witches and wizards swarmed the place, magical creatures bustled about the place and there were even short people he couldn't even make out.

"What the fuck?" Hidan exclaimed, seeing a short man land in the courtyard via a rainbow. A few more appeared after him.

Akiri jumped up behind him. "That's a leprechaun, they bring good luck and bad luck! Ah Shemus, my old friend!"

"Ferda! You look as beautiful as you did 500 years ago!" Shemus greeted Akiri, they walked over to the table and sat down, talking like mad.

Hidan and Kisame just stood there. The rest of the ninja filed outside. Almost suddenly, all the newcomers greeted them and some got dragged away as the music began.

20:00, the music was playing joyfully. Lovely celtic songs that had been long forgotten. Some danced, some ate and drank, some even made a lot of conversation.

The celebration went on. At midnight, it was Akiri's turn to dance. She picked someone to dance with, and that poor sot was Hidan.

The music started, a warm sensation filled the area and the moon and sun eclipsed as they started dancing to the celtic tune. Everyone clapped in tune with the music as the two dancers drifted away into the song.

The dragons danced along, but they flew up into the air to dance, breathing streaks of fire as they swirled, creating a lovely pattern. Soon firedancers joined into the dancing, the leprechauns as well. The witches and wizards joined in as well, basically everyone was dancing to the music, enjoying themselves. Heck, even Itachi was enjoying himself, dancing with Luna. Naruto kept glaring at Gaara dancing with Akuto while he danced with Momo.

Everyone danced around the bonfire. The song ended a few minutes later, everyone cheered as the celebration went on. Akiri sat down at the table, grabbing a glass of red wine and an apple. She sighed and relaxed, enjoying the evening's festivities. Hidan and Kisame sat on both sides of her, relaxing a little.

"Well, I don't know what could be more fun than this!" Hidan exclaimed, hands behind his head as he relaxed against the chair.

Akiri laughed, her laughter filling the night sky. The party went on until slowly everyone departed. Akiri and the rest of the ninja and her friends sat around the huge bonfire, chatting the whole time. Hidan and Kisame kept scooting closer to Akiri every few minutes. When the one moved closer, so did the other. This went on until both of them were fighting.

Akuto kept moving away from Naruto and eventually found Hidan and Kisame fighting about who's sitting next to Akiri. "Fuck this..." Akuto mumbled and sat down next to Akiri. The two men saw this and tried to sit on her other side, but it was taken by Momo.

Luna and Itachi were chatting on the other side of the bonfire. "I actually thought Naruto and Akuto would go together, but it seems she likes Gaara more." Luna said.

"Hn, its no surprise, Akuto is a red head of course..."

"Haha, I totally forgot about that! Imagine a blonde red head?"

"... No thanks."

The sun was starting to rise. They had been awake for more than 24 hours and sleep was seemingly dragging on them.

Soon, everyone went to sleep, not even bothering to shower or find their beds. They plopped down on any bed they could find.

The next morning. (More like 6 in the evening...)

...

...

...

...

...

"Ow my fucking head!" Akuto exclaimed.

Hidan second that notion and they both screamed from opposite sides of the castle, waking everyone up. The whole castle groaned from the hangovers and fell out of bed.

A whole series of events happened while everyone went to get coffee, which I shall explain briefly.

Itachi fell over Akuto's foot and smashed into Gaara who spilled his coffee on Momo, she then ran around screaming bloody murder, her long hair (her hair grew longer now) flailing out behind her and smacked into Hidan, who went crashing into the wall.

Kisame sat down on a chair, it broke and he was sprawled out on the floor. Temari tripped over him and crash landed into Kankuro, who's cup flew across the room and hit Kakashi in the head. Kakashi fainted and fell on top of Naruto who tried to support his weight, but failed miserably as he shot out from under Kakashi and crashed into Sasuke. Lips connected and they sprawled on the floor as well. Kiba doubled over in laughter, causing Lee to clutch his head in pain and swing around wildly, smacking Ten-Ten in the gut and sending her flying into Ino and Shikamaru.

Shino stood there dumbfounded but got hit in the head by a flying tomato. He fell over and passed out, while Choji tried not to fall over his body, he tripped over an apple and fell face first into Pein's back. Pein groaned and fell forward, causing a domino action. He hit Deidara, who hit Sasori, who hit Kakuzu, who hit Luna and everyone fell down. Akiri sighed and lay down on the floor, passed out as well.

The rest of the ninja was also passed out, so it was quite boring.

Who knew you can get pissed on red and white wine? Okay well you can. (the author however can't, since she doesn't drink wine.)

Anyway, the day turned into night as the idiots slept in the enormous kitchen. Some of them started to wake up and went to a bed, including Akiri. Hidan followed her from a distance away. He snuck into her room and snuggled in the bed with her. Yep, what an eventful day! Sleeping!

Meh, anyway, that'll probably the chapter for now...

**Hidan: my head!**

**Kisame: my ears!**

**Me: shut up! Its too funny!**

**Kakuzu: I hope I'm getting payed...**

**Me: (stuffs Kakuzu in a barrel.)**

**Well, review and stay tuned for chapter 2! I want my damned reviews!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The portal...

**A/N: Okay, you sort of get the picture with this chapter? No? Guess you'll have to read it to find out!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

**Thanks for all the awesome reviews! I'm posting this chapter for Momo!**

Finally! It was the day they would go home! As in back to Akiri's house to pack up things and move into the castle. The mansion was nice, but it was too small, so they needed a bigger place to bunk.

Akiri summoned the portal that brought them to the castle and everyone carried everything out of the mansion and into the castle. This took about seven hours to complete. All the while, Akiri kept the portal open.

So seven hours later, they organized everything around which took an additional two hours to complete. After that, it was done. They had moved into the castle.

The only problem now, was how to bring Ichibi back to life. There was a meeting, and all suggestions were displayed and soon tested.

1. Get Akuto to do it (failed attempt)

2. Use a spell (failed attempt)

3. Transplant new organs in her (failed attempt, but would have worked if Kakuzu wasn't such money snob)

4. Give her coffee? (failed attempt)

5. Wake her up with a jutsu? (failed attempt)

6. Heal her (failed attempt)

7. Use a secret jutsu? (failed attempt)

8. Go to the Naruto verse and figure something out? (Suggested by Akuto, so they all got ready.)

Akiri opened another portal, somewhat like the blue one and everyone stepped inside. Once they crossed, Akiri shut the portal and sat down. "So what now?"

"Well, we've all been missing for a while, so we could go around and return everyone to their villages. We'll probably have to ask Tsunade for help..." Akuto suggested.

Meanwhile in Konoha, lady Tsunade sneezed loudly, knocking her sake from the table. "Oh dear."

"Right, we'll do that. But first... Where the hell are we?" Akiri looked around, confused.

Itachi looked around as well. "Looks like we're near Konoha..."

"Then we turn around and head for another village first, or the ninjas return to their villages. But not the Akatsuki and Sasuke."

"Wait, what?"

"I want you guys to find Tobi and Konan, then head to Konoha." Akiri stood up and started walking towards Konoha. The others said goodbye and left. Kakashi, Naruto, Akuto, Momo, Luna, Sasuke, Akiri and the rest of the leaf nin went to the village. Once at the gates, Kakashi greeted the guards and asked to see the hokage.

"You're Kakashi right? You've been missing for six years!" The one guy screeched.

Akiri sighed. "For the love of all things mighty and powerfull, quit your rambling."

"Who's the sexy bitch?"

SLAM

Fist met flesh. "I'm the one who'll make your poor sotted life miserable if you call me that again."

"Okay but wait, where have you been? A whole bunch of you guys went missing and we couldn't find you anywhere. Where were you?"

Akiri laughed. "On a planet called earth."

"We know that, but where?"

"Its a different world to yours, like another dimension. For some or other reason, the Holy Spirit sent them to my world to fight a battle, and we're here so that we can revive one of my friends. She's in the bag over there." Akiri pointed to a black garbage bag on the grass.

The two guards stared, and stared. "..."

"Oh just let us see the hokage!" Akiri yelled, a broomstick appearing when she waved her hand.

The guards stood there with shocked faces.

"Its magic you fools." She got onto the broom and swept up into the air.

Kakashi sighed. "Let's just get back in the village and greet everyone. The rest of us will go to the hokage, the others, go say hi to everyone." Kakashi then turned and walked into the village with Naruto and Sasuke.

Akuto, Momo, Luna and Akiri were flying over the village on broomsticks, well Luna had wings.

They landed in front og the hokage tower just as the other three arrived. "Let's get this over and done with, I want to go back." Akiri grumbled and went inside. Kakashi led them to the hokage's office. Akuto and Naruto burst in screaming their heads off about 'help, bring back to life, jutsu.'

"Wait, what?! Naruto?! Sasuke?! Kakashi?!" Tsunade stared in shock at them. "We thought you were dead.

Kakashi laughed. "No, we're as healthy as horses. We've been trapped in another dimension and-"

"And this is where I come in, now be a good little idiot and piss off." Akiri said. "Let me explain this in full detail, Tsunade."

And so a full explanation was launched. The Akatsuki, Naruto, other people, ect. Everything was added.

Tsunade sat there, somewhat stunned at the explanation. "Okay, so what you're saying is we have to find some sort of jutsu to bring a dead girl back to life who died two or three weeks ago?"

"Yep."

"I have one, but I doubt it will work."

"Why?"

"Well, you see, the person has to be dead for 24 hours, not more or less."

"Well, that's a problem. Then we'll have to figure something out..." Akiri sighed.

Tsunade sighed. "We'll try and help as best we can, for now, you guys probably need rest and a place to stay."

"The Akatsuki too. But first, I have to do something..."

"Very well. I'll assing you some rooms."

After that, Akiri went to Konoha's gates and waited. She soon saw a few figures leap into view. Transforming into a dragon, she flapped up into the air and waited patiently. As soon as she saw a swirling orange mask, she lunged, chomped Tobi's head off and burnt his body to ashed.

Hidan stood there dumbfounded. "What the fuck?!"

Akiri laughed. "I didn't want an asshole around."

All the Akatsuki members cheered. Akiri looked around them. "Ah, Konan, come here please."

She nodded and followed Akiri to her apartment. "Well, I would like you to keep Pein away from me. As well as the rest of the members, because once my friend breathes again, we'll be returning without any of the Akatsuki."

"What? Who?"

"Ichibi, she's in a garbage bag at the hokage's tower."

"Can I help in some way?"

"Yes, we need to discover a new jutsu to bring her back to life."

Konan looked at the ground. "Had any idead yet?" She asked.

"One idea did pop into mind, but it would require chakra and magic to work as one." Akiri sighed, sitting down on the bed.

"We'll figure something out. But I want to know, what is magic?"

Okay, the next few weeks practically flew by. The Akatsuki was living in Konoha for the time being and Akiri was slowly but surely getting pissed off.

WHACK

She hit Hidan with that wicked steel baseball bat of hers.

WHACK

"You"

WHACK

"Little"

WHACK

"Pompous"

WHACK

"Ass!"

WHACK

"Ow bitch!" Hidan moaned. WHACK

"Get out!" Akiri yelled.

"Fuck you, I'm stayin'!"

"Get the fuck out!"

"NO!"

"GAAH! You're impossible!" Akiri threw her hands up in the air and stomped off to the shower.

_**Fuck that dickfaced dumbass!**_ Akiri screamed in her mind and turned the water on.

Meanwhile, nextdoor to her apartment, Kisame and Itachi heard the commotion and went to inspect. Well, after a whole 'rock-paper-scissors' debate, only Kisame did. He banged on the door loudly and Hidan (after getting pissed off from the banging) opened the door.

"What the hell is going on here?" Kisame asked.

"Nothing that involves you shark-shit."

"Where's Akiri, and why are you in here?"

"None of your business, and she's in the shower, now piss off."

Kisame was slowly but surely getting sick of this idiot, so he slammed his fist through the Jashin-praising dumbass' face.

Hidan flew across the room and into the wall. Akiri ran out of the bathroom, stark naked. "What the fuck?!" She asked, pointing at Hidan.

Kisame and Hidan were staring wide eyed at her. She looked down at herself and then put her hands on her waist.

"You men are still as idiotic as ever." She sighed and went back into the bathroom to change.

Kisame looked at Hidan, Hidan looked at Kisame. "DID YOU JUST SEE THAT?!" They screamed in unison.

"I HEARD THAT!" Akiri yelled from the bathroom. The door opened and she walked out fully clothed. "I want both of you out. NOW!" She yelled and pulled out her bat. (This is creepy actually, where does she keep it?)

In an instant, both men bolted outside. She closed the door and sat down on the couch. There was a poof from outside. Kisame snuck up on Akiri and touched her shoulder.

Now when a person gets scared, there's usually two reactions that may occur. Fight or Flight. Now Akiri didn't run and scream like a girl, she punched and hit; and that's exactly what happened to Kisame, he got hit.

"What the hell?! I thought you were away?!" Akiri yelled.

Kisame grunted and stood up. "I made a clone."

That's just about the second that Akiri snapped. "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STILL HERE?!"

"I just..." Oops. "I just... Wanted to talk." He held up his hands in defence.

"About what?"

"Uhm... I don't know... Well I thought we could... Like... Spend the night together..."

Akiri snorted. "If you're thinking about sex, forget it."

Kisame stood up and waved his arms around. "That's not what I meant!" Trip... He grabbed onto anything possible, which in this case was Akiri's waist.

She gasped. "You little-!"

"No! I tripped!" Kisame blushed and then let go.

Akiri glared at him and then went to her room. Kisame stood there, dumbfounded, and then followed her. SLAM. She shut the door in his face. Sighing she lay down on the bed.

"Ow..." Kisame rubbed his nose and then turned the doorknob. "Can I just stay here for tonight?"

"Why?"

Kisame rubbed the back of his neck and laughed sheepishly. "Well... Me and Itachi made a bet... Sort of..."

Akiri rolled her eyes. "You're sleeping on the couch."

"But-"

"Fuck off."

Kisame grumbled and went to the livingroom of the small apartment.

Soon Akiri was asleep, while Kisame sat on the couch like a grump and soon fell asleep too.

- skip -

Three weeks later, Akiri and Luna were at Ichiraku's, planning on reviving Ichibi.

"Okay, so what have we gathered so far?" Akiri asked, looking down into the empty rammen bowl.

"Well, we know that there's the God on the Underworld, after speaking to Spirit. Then we also know that the God of the Underworld doesn't just allow dead people's souls back. That's where Akuto's plan failed because she can only summon zombies and soulless spirits." Luna took a sip from her water bottle.

Akiri nodded. "And what else?"

"Well, we've found a spell that can send a soul back to earth, but it requires someone else's soul in exchange. Then we found a jutsu that can bring the body back to life. Accoring to Spirit, life in the realm of God's is different, so a few weeks here would be like 12 minutes there."

"That makes sense, but what to do?"

"Well, we need someone willing to undergo the transmission while Hades and Spirit watch. Then after that we can return Ichibi's soul to her body and use the jutsu to bring her back."

Akiri nodded again. "Well then, I suggest we go talk to the hokage, then arrange some sort of meeting with Hades and Spirit and then do the transfer."

"Yep."

"Great."

"HEY!"

"Agh, great..." Akiri sighed. Akuto and Naruto popped into the booth.

"What you guys up to?"

"Planning."

"What for?"

"What do you think you imbicile?!" Akiri slammed some coins onto the table and left with Luna following her. They walked through the sparse streets of Konoha, muttering about the preperations. They soon reached the hokage's tower and went inside.

Akiri knocked on the door to Tsunade's office.

"Come in!"

They both entered and closed the door. "We have found a way to bring Ichibi back."

"And how might that be?"

An all out explanation, followed by nodding and the door bursting open.

"Kakashi?!"

"Hidan is causing chaos."

Akiri sighed. "Leave it to me." She summoned her broomstick and flew off to find the immortal idiot. After 5 minutes of looking, she found him, trying to sacrifice the poor mr. Ichiraku guy. She flew downward and grabbed him by the collar, then flew back to the hokage's tower.

"Lemme go bitch!"

"You sure?"

"YES!"

"Okay..." She dropped him and he screamed, she then grabbed his collar again.

They soon flew into Tsunade's office and Akiri threw Hidan onto the floor.

Akiri sighed. "You're a moron." She left and went to her apartment.

An hour later, Tsunade ordered all the shinobi in the village and the Akatsuki to gather. Soon there were many people gathered outside Konoha. "Right, Akiri go ahead."

She stepped forward and cleared her throat. "We need someone willing to scarifice their soul to bring Ichibi back."

Three minutes later, seven people had stepped forward.

"Right, we can start the process in a few days at most, I still need to arrange something."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: The Underworld.

**Thanx for the extra review, I hope I get one with every chapter! Love ya'll. :***

**- Ichibi's p.o.v -**

I woke up in some sort of cloudy place, and then I went crashing down. I don't know if I was in heaven or hell, but it sure looked like something. I looked around a bit and found that I was in a village of some sort. Looking around, I spotted a curly headed guy who I immediately asked for directions. It turned out that the curly headed guy was actually the God of the Underworld himself.

He looked as if he was in a hurry of some sort, and that I was to join him. Oh I'm so special! I love myse-elf! I love myse-elf! So yeah, I followed him, just out of curiosity. The guy was hot, I just couldn't get his name right...

Meh, blonde curly hair is soo cool, but not my style, but still, he's handsome. I WILL NOT DROP SASUKE-KUN FOR A GOD. Or it could be better without Sasuke... WHAT AM I THINKING?!

Anyway, we came to this pedestal sort type thingy and he waved his hand over it. Me - being as short as I was - couldn't see. What a drag!

I suddenly felt myself being pulled and closed my eyes. When I reopened them, I found myself in a bright place. That same bright place where Akiri usually took us.

So there I sat, like a moron, staring up at Akiri, the God of the Underworld and Spirit. "What the hell?" My only reaction.

"We're bringing you back to life, but it could take a while." Akiri said.

I stared, jumped up and tried to hug her, but I fell right through her. "WTF?!"

Akiri sighed. "You're still a ghost."

"**So what are we going to do?**" The God of the Underworld asked.

"_Its simple, Hades, we need a willing sacrifice to take her place._" Spirit said, looking down at me.

"**Oh fine.**" Hades said. "**But how long will it take?**"

"About four moths in the normal world." Akiri said.

"Wha-!"

"Shut up, it won't be so long up here, maybe four days or something."

"Okay, that's'... whew! That's fine!" I jumped up and started dancing around when I just realized something. "How long was I dead?"

Akiri sighed. "A whole month at most."

"Wha-?!"

"Yep. I have to get back, preperations have to be taken." Akiri dissapeared, and I was left there like a moron.

"**I'm 2635 years old by the way.**" Hades commented. My jaw dropped.

"OMG! And you look so hot?! Wait? What the fuck am I saying? And how did you know I started a crush?!" I jumped around, waving my arms and pointing at Hades. He just chuckled.

"**Come along, lemme show you the whole of the Underworld!**" Hades grabbed my pointing hand and I found myself falling, again. We landed and I fell on my butt.

"Owie..." I mumbled, rubbing my aching buttocks. I was grabbed again and I soon found myself being pulled along as Hades chattered on. **Gees, this guy is giving me a headache!**

"**What was that I heard, hmm?**"

"Jashin dammit!" I screamed. He let go of my arm.

"**That idiot?**"

"What?"

"**Jashin.**"

"What about him?"

"**He's an asshole. I can take you to him if you want, but you won't like him.**"

I glared, and glared. "How dare you?!"

"**What?**"

"You accuse me of praising that asswipe. Pa-lease! Hidan ought to loove seeing him!" I yelled as I waved my hand around.

Hades sighed and then grabbed my arm.

"Wait! Where are we going?!"

"**To see Jashin!**"

"Nuuuuuuuuuuuuu! Sasuke-kun help meeeeeeee!" And so my whole life ended as we stopped in front of a huge door. BANG, BANG, BANG! Hades knocked. A smaller door opened and a doorman stepped out.

"You want to see Jashin?"

"**Yes, tell him I've got someone with me.**"

The doorman nodded and left. Five minutes later he was back. "Jashin says 'come in' and he wants to see this 'someone'."

"Hey you! I'm not a someone! I'm the best darned thing that ever lived!" I got whacked behind the head by Hades and then pulled inside. Some while later we found Jashin in his bathroom, in the bath. Thank god there was bubbles.

Jashin... How to describe him? HOT! Short, black hair, green eyes, perfect face, toned muscles! OMG!

"Why is she drooling?" Jashin asked.

I snapped out of my moment and pointed a finger at him. "I'm not drooling!" I got pulled out of the bathroom before I could yap any further. "What the hell was that for?!" I yelled.

"**Just shut up, let's go to the living room.**" Hades said and dragged me along by the back of my shirt.

"What?! How long will it take this time?!" I complained, but then felt myself being dropped on a couch. I sighed, sat back and relaxed.

Ten minutes later I smelt something. "Is that... Aqua Valva?"

"How did you know?" Jashin asked, standing in the doorway. I stood up, ran the opposite direction and stood still.

"Is this a mile? Yes? No? Okay! I can smell it from a mile away!" I yelled.

Both gods facepalmed and sweatdropped. "Seriously?" Jashin sat down on the couch. "So Hades, what brings you here?"

"**Well, to say the least, this girl's gonna be brought back to life. Her friends are planning it.**"

"Oh that must be good!" Jashin laughed.

I snorted as I walked back. "You know Hidan don't you?"

"Oh that asshole?"

"YES! Even his god calls him an ass!" I jumped up and ran to give Jashin a high-five, which failed as I tripped over the pather head carpet. "Ow."

Hades and Jashin burst out laughing. "**She'll make a good shinigami don't you think?**" Hades said, Jashin nodded.

"What the hell?"

"Well, considering your immense power, you could become a shinigami when you're revived." Jashin explained and then stood up. I sat down, thinking.

Jashin returned not long after with three glasses filled with some sort of blue liquid. "Yay! Energade!" I yelled as I grabbed a glass and took a sip. It didn't taste anything like Energade. "What the hell is this?"

"Energade? No, more like fresh blueberry juice." Jashin said.

"Oh - My - God... Jashin likes blueberry juice?!" I laughed. This was certainly the best afterlife I could wish for. "Wait till I tell Hidan that! And the Aqua Valva!"

Jashin sighed. "I like more things than anyone can know..."

"Oh, like what?" And then he was on top of me.

"Pretty girls."

"Fuck! Get off! GET OFF!" I screamed, slamming my fists on his chest. "What the hell! You're like 2356 years old! You fucking pervert!"

Jashin sat up. "No, I'm actually 21. Takes a while to get old here. Oh by the way, I'm immortal."

I glared at him, and being as smart as I was, I punched him in the gut, but that didn't work, seeing as it felt as if my fist broke!

"Ow dammit! Fuck off! Fuck you! Fuck yourself! You fucking fucker fuckety fuck fuck!" I punched and kicked and bit where I could. "Sasuke! Get your ass over here and help mee!"

"Geez, your worse than that Kushina bitch." Jashin huffed, getting off of me. **Whew! Finally!**

"Kushina? Naruto's mom?"

"Yes, that bitch."

"**Okay, can I add something here? Jashin, leave the girl alone.**" Hades said.

Jashin stared at Hades. "My name is Ichibi by the way bitches." I commented. Oops. Jashin was back.

"That's an adorable name! How old are you? Do you have friends? What'r their names?..." Blah de blah de blah de blah.

I glared at him. "Get off."

"No."

"God! You're like Hidan! He's always after Akiri's ass!" I yelled, waving my arms around. "I swear! Sasuke-kun is the only one here who doesn't want to rape anyone!"

Jashin grinned.

"What?"

"I want to meet Akiri!"

"Oh no! No! No, no, no, no, no, no!"

"What?"

"Forget it!"

"No!"

"GAH! Fuck, why can't you men leave her alone! She's one evil bitch who I saved!"

"Yeah, we heard about something like that. Someone jumping in front of a sword. We didn't watch it, seemed boring." Jashin stood up and went somewhere.

"What the-fuck?"

Hades sighed. "**Always the lady's man.**"

**Wait? What?!**

"Oh no! No one is having sex with me or anyone of my friends!" I jumped up and ran straight into a wall.

"**Time to go sleep!**" Hades said and then dragged me to a big castle. "**There's your room, good night!**" He left. I huffed and went inside.

Well, I decided I'd just go sleep anyway, so I jumped on the bed and fell asleep, totally unaware that Jashin was preparing to head to earth. I will only find out about everything later on... When I'm alive and all.

Okay, so I woke up, had a bad dream and ran out of the room, unaware that the door was closed, so I slammed into it. "Ow!" I opened it and ran through the big castle screaming my lungs out.

My dream you say? Oh right. I was the kid from Homa Alone. And if that isn't scary, try being a frickin' ghost.

Anyway, when I finished yelling and screaming at the top of my lungs, I found the kitchen and got myself something to eat.

List of food in the cabinets and fridge:

* Bread

* Ham

* Cheese

* Tomato

* Eggs

* Macoroni

* Pizza

* Rammen

* Seafood

* Meat

I settled for a ham, cheese and tomato toasty. If ya dunno what dat means, the author sure does.

Anyway, I sat at the table and ate up. I still felt hungry, so I made Rammen and ate that too. After several helpings of food, I was full and the cupboards were empty.

Great!

Hades walked into the kitchen not long after and opened a cabinet. There was silence, and then... "**WHERE THE HELL DID ALL THE FOOD GO?!**"

I kept quiet, but he turned to me and saw all the dishes on the table and me with a full belly. He sighed and then slammed the cupboard closed.

"**Come on, I am in dire need for food.**" He said and pulled me out of the castle.

We soon returned with loads of food that we bought, the servants took the packets and scuttled away. I sighed. "Its not my fault I was hungry!"

"**Well, you could have left something.**" Hades said and went straight for a room. I tried to follow but the door was slammed in my face. I fell down on my butt.

"Owie." I stood up and wandered around the castle. I found a shower, so I took a shower. I found a pool took a dip. I found a bar... WAIT! BAR?! Okay, so I got pissed from drinking too many beers when I was younger, but so what?!

I looked around and found a whole mess of different alcohols. I took sake, which I have never tasted and took a big swig of the stuff. Lemme tell you I will never do that again since I was coughing and spluttering like mad.

Soon, I found myself taking a sip of every beverage there. Woozy, I stumbled around the castle, trying not to fall over my own feet or slamming into a wall, which I failed miserably at. And then there were stairs. I fell down them and landed on my butt. I climbed back up and went to my room.

Okay, there I passed out immediately.

**Ichibi: you're such a wicked bitch!**

**Me: *laughs and slams the door shut* *scribble, scribble, scribble***

**On the notepad: **

**My plans for Ichibi...**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**Not telling you!**

**Me: thanx for reading and stay tuned for the next chapter!**

**Kisame: noooooooo! Don't read!**

**Me: *stuffs kisame in a box and locks him up for 90 years.***


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Jashin on earth.

**Teehee! *evil grin***

**I'm posting up till chapter 7! Chapter 8 is not even done yet!**

Okay, so a week after Akiri returned from the meeting, she was in a training field, sparring with Kisame while Hidan sat on the sidelines. Soon, they became tired and sat down.

"Ichibi better come back to life." Akiri huffed. Kisame nodded. The three sat under a tree.

There was a loud pop as someone landed near them. "Who the hell are you?!" Akiri asked,standing on guard.

"I thought you might have recognized me... But oh well... I'm Jashin."

Hidan's jaw dropped. "You mean, THE fucking Jashin?!"

"Yes that's me."

Akiri sighed. "What the hell?" She turned on her heel and walked back to her apartment.

"I came here to meet Akiri."

She froze and turned reeeeaaalllyyy slooowwllyy. "That's me. What do you want?"

"Well let's see..." Jashin thought for a second.

"Is that Aqua Valva?" Akiri asked.

Jashin froze and then sighed. "Why does everyone know my colonge?"

"Its not hard to miss. Now what do you want?" Akiri asked, getting rather annoyed. Jashin was in front of her in an instant. She jumped at the sudden appearance.

"You..."

Hidan's jaw was still on the floor. Kisame was watching with interest.

SLAM

Akiri hit Jashin so hard he flew to the other side of the field. "Asshole." She turned and walked to her apartment.

Hidan's jaw dropped lower. "J-Jashin-sama?" He asked walking over to the god. Jashin jumped up grinning.

"That's one sexy bitch." He said and ran after her.

Hidan fainted. Kisame sighed, stood up and left the Jashinist there.

Akiri arrived at her apartment and opened the door. She found Jashin on her couch. She sighed and went to her room. She found the idiot there as well. "What the fuck?! Will you leave me alone!" She yelled and stomped out to the livingroom.

Jashin followed her, a grin plastered on his face. Akiri finally gave up and sat down on her bed, grumbling under her breath.

Akiri had an amazing idea. "I'm inviting my friends over tonight." She stood up and walked to where her stupid buddies lived. Soon everyone was in her apartment.

Gaara, Naruto, Akuto, Luna, Momo, Kisame, Hidan (with his jaw on the floor) and Itachi. "Find something to do guys, and Jashin, piss off."

Okay, everyone found something to do. Kisame was annoying Itachi, Luna was watching the fish in the tank, yelling profinities about fashion, Momo was asleep, Hidan found a book (didn't know he could read...) Gaara was glaring at Naruto, Akuto went to shower, Akiri meditated and Jashin was poking Akiri.

Akuto just finished showering and was about to dry herself when Naruto burst in and began undressing himself. She screamed and ran out with Naruto behind her. She tripped on the throw mat and fell flat, Naruto fell ontop of her and began dry humping her.

Akiri opened one of her eyes and saw this. She stood up, went over to them and kicked Naruto in the ribs so he flew accross the room, his willy flailing around as he went.

Akuto stood up and hugged Akiri. "You saved my fucking life!" She screamed and ran back to the bathroom to get dressed. Luna was so focused on the fashion-deprived fish that she didn't notice. Momo was fast asleep. Everyone else saw what happened.

So by now it was at least eight at night, everyone was doing what they were doing, well, Naruto was fidgeting with his toes and Akuto clung to Gaara. So the main concept here was that everyone was busy. Jashin kept on poking Akiri, he'd kept track of every poke.

"1365, 1366, 1367..."

"Would you just shut up already?!" Akiri yelled as Jashin counted to 2000 pokes.

"I'm bored."

"Go annoy someone else!"

"But I wanna annoy you..." Jashin pouted. Akiri whacked him with her baseball bat, her eye twitching. She stood up and whacked him again, and again, and again, so that went on until he could be gradually accounted as unconcious for the rest of the night.

Or not.

Jashin sat up after 5 minutes. "Let's go to a bar." He suggested. Momo jumped high into the air as Kisame stepped on her tail.

"..."

"Okay, what'll we do? Bar? Or stay here?" Akiri asked.

"Bar."

"Stay here."

"Bar."

"Bar."

"Bar."

"Stay here."

"Bar."

"Stay here."

"Bar."

Akiri sighed. "Who votes bar?" Six of them rose their hands. "Right, bar it is then."

And what a smart idea that was. Akuto had a brilliant idea and filled Akiri in on her plan. Akiri giggled as they walked to the bar. They walked inside, found a booth large enough to accompany all 10 of them and sat down.

A waitress soon arrived, but Jashin didn't notice her as he was staring at Akiri's boobs. "Are those real?" He asked, poking them. Akiri slapped him.

"What'll you guys have to drink?" The waitress asked. Akiri looked at her nameplate. "A beer for me, Jessica." She said.

"Whiskey." Kisame.

"Sake." Hidan.

"Wine?" Momo.

"Beer." Luna.

"Tequila!" Akuto.

"Martini." Gaara. (Wait, what?!)

"Vodka with lemon juice." Naruto.

"Water." Itachi.

"Blueberry juice."

Everyone turned to Jashin. "What?"

Hidan burst out laughing. "MY FUCKING GOD DRINKS BLUEBERRY JUICE?!"

Jashin blushed. "Fuck off." He snuggled into Akiri's boobs and she grumbled something under her breath.

"Right, I'll be back with your drinks soon." Jessica said and went over to the bartender.

"Who's paying?" Akiri asked. Everyone turned to Jashin. He lifted his hands in protest but Akiri whacked him. "You'll pay, won't you?" She asked, a trickle of 'I'm-going-to-kill-you-if-you-don't' laced in her voice. Jashin sighed and nodded his head.

Jessica soon returned with their drinks and set them down on the table. Akiri grumbled. "This shit better taste good." She took a swig and spit it out, then threw the bottle away. She then waved her hand and a bottle of Hunters Gold appeared. She opened it and took a sip. "Ahh, much better."

Everyone was taking sips and swigs from their drinks. A while later Akiri thought a kareoke contest would be good. She waved her hand and a stage with microphones and massive speakers appeared. "Who's up for the first song?" Akuto's hand jolted up.

"Momo must go sing!" She yapped. Akiri looked at Momo, who nodded and went to the stage.

"Right," Momo said into the mic. "This song is a very common song where we come from. Katy Perry - Roar!" The song started and she sang into the mic.

**I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath**

**Scared to rock the boat and make a mess**

**So I sat quietly, agreed politely**

**I guess that I forgot I had a choice**

**I let you push me past the breaking point**

**I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything**

**You held me down, but I got up**

Akiri, Luna and Akuto joined.** (HEY!)**

**Already brushing off the dust**

**You hear my voice, you hear that sound**

**Like thunder gonna shake the ground**

**You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)**

**Get ready 'cause I've had enough**

**I see it all, I see it now**

They all sang along.

**[Akiri, Momo, Luna and Akuto]**

**I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire**

**'Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar**

**Louder, louder than a lion**

**'Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar**

**Oh oh oh oh oh oh**

**Oh oh oh oh oh oh**

**Oh oh oh oh oh oh**

**You're gonna hear me roar**

**Now I'm floating like a butterfly**

**Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes**

**I went from zero, to my own hero**

**You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)**

**Already brushing off the dust**

**You hear my voice, you hear that sound**

**Like thunder gonna shake the ground**

**You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)**

**Get ready 'cause I've had enough**

**I see it all, I see it now**

**[Akiri, Momo, Luna and Akuto]**

**I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire**

'**Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar**

**Louder, louder than a lion**

'**Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar**

**Oh oh oh oh oh oh**

**Oh oh oh oh oh oh**

**Oh oh oh oh oh oh**

**You're gonna hear me roar**

**Oh oh oh oh oh oh**

**Oh oh oh oh oh oh**

**You'll hear me roar**

**Oh oh oh oh oh oh**

**You're gonna hear me roar...**

**Ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar**

**I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire**

'**Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar**

**Louder, louder than a lion**

'**Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar**

**Oh oh oh oh oh oh**

**Oh oh oh oh oh oh**

**Oh oh oh oh oh oh**

**You're gonna hear me roar**

**Oh oh oh oh oh oh**

**Oh oh oh oh oh oh**

**You'll hear me roar**

**Oh oh oh oh oh oh**

**You're gonna hear me roar...**

The song ended and everyone in the bar clapped. It was Kisame's turn to sing, but no one actually cared about him. Soon it was Akiri's turn to sing, but to say the least, she sang the saddest song any person could ever hear. Akuto and Momo joined her. "Meatloaf - Its all coming back to me."

**[Akiri:] There were nights when the wind was so cold**

**That my body froze in bed if I just listened to it right outside the window**

**[Akuto:] There were days when the sun was so cruel**

**That all the tears turned to dust and I just knew my eyes were drying up forever**

**[Akiri, Akuto and Momo:]**

**I finished crying in the instant that you left**

**And I can't remember where or when or how**

**And I banished every memory you and I have ever made**

**[Akiri (Momo):]**

**But when you touch me like this (touch me like this)**

**And you hold me like that (hold me like that)**

**I just have to admit that it's all coming back to me**

**When I touch you like this (touch you like this)**

**And I hold you like that (hold you like that)**

**It's so hard to believe but it's all coming back to me now**

**[Akuto:]**

**It's all coming back**

**It's all coming back to me now**

**[Akiri, Akuto (Momo):]**

**There were moments of gold and there were flashes of light**

**There were things I'd never do again but then they'd always seemed right**

**There were nights of endless pleasure**

**It was more than any laws allow-baby, baby!**

**If I kiss you like this (kiss you like this)**

**And if you whisper like that (whisper like that)**

**It was lost long ago but it's all coming back to me**

**If you want me like this (if you want me like this)**

**And if you need me like that (if you need me like that)**

**It was dead long ago but it's all coming back to me**

**It's so hard to resist and it's all coming back to me**

**I can barely recall, but it's all coming back to me now...**

Tears started to make their way to the three on stage. The audience was silent and Jashin gawped at Akiri.

**But you were history with the slamming of the door**

**And I made myself so strong again somehow**

**And I never wasted any of my time on you since then!**

**But if I touch you like this (touch you like this)**

**And if you kiss me like that (kiss me like that)**

**It was so long ago but it's all coming back to me**

**If you touch me like this (touch me like this)**

**And if I kiss you like that (kiss you like that)**

**It was gone with the wind but it's all coming back to me now**

**[Akuto:]**

**It's all coming back**

**It's all coming back to me now**

**[Akiri (Momo):]**

**There were moments of gold and there were flashes of light**

**There were things we'd never do again but they'd always seemed right**

**There were nights of endless pleasure**

**It was more than all your laws allow-baby, baby, baby!**

**When you touch me like this (touch me like this)**

**And when you hold me like that (hold me like that)**

**It was gone with the wind but it's all coming back to me**

**When you see me like this (see me like this)**

**And when I see you like that (see you like that)**

**Then we see what we want to see-all coming back to me**

**The flesh and the fantasies-all coming back to me**

**I can barley recall, but it's all coming back to me now...**

**If you forgive me all this (forgive me all this)**

**If I forgive you all that (forgive you all that)**

**We forgive and forget and it's all coming back to me now**

**[Akuto:] It's all coming back to me now**

**[Akiri:] We forgive and forget**

**[Akuto, Momo, Akuto:] And it's all coming back to me now...**

All three of them stepped back from their microphones and fell to the floor along with Akiri, sobbing. [This song is dedicated to the man I had loved for so long.] Jashin, Kisame and Hidan were on stage immediately, helping the three girls back to the booth. Kisame handed Akuto to Gaara and Hidan sat Momo down next to Naruto. Jashin held Akiri in his lap as she sobbed.

The three friends and Luna were now in tears, everyone in the bar was looking at them, they wanted to clap, but didn't know if it was right to do so. A girl went up on stage and asked for everyone's attention so that she could sing and that they could leave the four girls alone.

I'm not mentioning this song, its just a song that I heard somewhere. (Miku Hatsune - Sekiranun Graffiti.)

Okay, I'll just skip to where they got back to Akiri's appartment.

Everyone said their goodbyes and left not soon after arriving. Akiri sat on the couch with her knees up to her chest while Jashin made coffee. (Can a god even drink coffee?)

He set the coffee on the table close by and sat down on the couch next to Akiri. He snaked his arm around her waist and pulled her onto his lap, her head on the armrest. Jashin moved his head closer to hers and kissed her. She didn't fight or do anything.

As soon as he pulled away, he picked her up (fuck the coffee) and took her to the bed, lay her down under the blankets and clambered in next to her, pulling her closer just so her head was on his chest. He started playing with her hair.

Akiri fell asleep not long after, Jashin still playing with her hair. Watching her, he saw the tear streaks on her cheeks, the way her chest rose and fell, her lips slightly parted as she breathed. He'd always thought that someone beautiful had been made, but he never knew who. Spirit told him to wait, and he did.

He suddenly felt free. Away from being a god, being immortal. He felt as if he could be human. He then wondered what his stupid follower would say if he just went normal?

**Forget nothing while the truth is revealed...** He thought. Jashin lay there, a beauty, in his eyes, on his chest, feeling unbound by fate. If all ended well, could he be with her? Could she even love him? His hyperactive system? Possibly... If he wanted to he's have already charmed her, but there was something else. Something stopping him?

**Me? What could stop me of all people?**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Phatt bass.

Akuto woke up with one major hangover. She rolled over and fell on the floor. "Huh? This isn't my room." Akuto stood up, looked on the bed and blushed. She was in Gaara's room that he'd rented. She didn't think, because for one, she moved closer and planted a kiss on his cheek.

He didn't wake up. She breathed out, a breath that she didn't know she held up. She turned and went out to the kitchen to make coffee. Meanwhile, Gaara felt the kiss and blushed slightly. He turned over, got out of bed about five minutes later (I think) and went into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee.

Luna woke up, one major headache. She stumbled out of bed and made coffee. "Jesus, this better get it away." The headache...

She found Itachi in her living room, sleeping on the couch. **When did he have a drink?**

Itachi shook and woke up, smelling the coffee. "And mine?" He whined. Luna snorted.

"Get your own." She sat down on the other couch.

Momo, well, you see... She was in Akiri's appartment on the couch... She had a nightmare and ran into Akiri's appartment and fell asleep there. (I shall not translate the dream as it is in Greek and I cannot understand that language.) She stretched out, sat up, rubbed her eyes and made coffee. (Why does every human being drink coffee after they had one hell lot of alcohol?)

Okay, so she was in the kitchen. Jashin woke up to the smell of coffee, he checked the bed, Akiri was still there, so who was in the kitchen? He stood up, careful not to wake Akiri and went to check.

He found the cat in the kitchen. "What the fuck?"

Momo jumped. She turned to look at him. "I has had a nightmare, and has now a hangovers." She gripped her head. "Too much wine!"

"What's all the noise out there?! The world coming together to give Zuma a funeral or something?!" Akiri shouted from the bedroom. There was silence. Akiri walked out, glared at the two and plopped down on the couch, her leg flung over the back of the couch. She smirked.

Momo feared the worst and started to shake. Jashin eyes the two. "What?"

"She's got a plan. One evil one..." She scurried behind the counter, hiding.

"What plan?" Jashin asked, confised. Akiri smirked wider and Momo whimpered.

"Phatt Bass." Was all Akiri said before she waved her hand and huge speakers and a pc appeared. She stood up and clicked on the song she was looking for. "Warp Brothers vs Aquagen - Phatt Bass." She smirked wider and put the speakers at full blast so the whole village could hear. Go listen to the song.

And then and there, the village rave started. The song's tune was so entrancing that everyone was dancing. Yep, alcohol was flying as well, too bad Ichibi missed all of that. Poor sot.

Anyway, even Tsunade couldn't stop dancing. Warp Brothers is the best rave and trance music you can listen to. The author knows this because it sends bolts of electricity through your spine and through your veins.

**Stop for a moment,**

**I want you to listen,**

**Listen, to the phatt bass that will send the blood coursing through your veins,**

**It will show you you're alive,**

**Listen to the phatt bass.**

Yep, moerse party ek se. With bass. Too bad Akiri didn't have her GTI there... Or wait. Nah, too much writing.

Anycase, the rave went on for like the whole day, everyone with hangovers had no more, everyone who just ate became hungry. Anyone who has watched Blade should understand that bloodlust may or may not have been accquainted for that day. No one was a vampire, so its a little useless. Hidan however wasn't killing anyone, much to Jashin's dissapointment.

Okay, about ten, Akiri wanted to throw a celtic party. (What the-fuck? You may ask, she's in the partay mood.) She called magical creatures, half the village shat themselves, a massive bonfire was made, everyone was dancing and drinking and quaffing. (Quaffing: continuous spilling of ale and beer while drinking wildly.) [Had to do that!]

Okay, most of the ninja in the village was aqqcuainted with the magical creatures, so they were a' chatting away like old friends. Most of the men, including Jiraya, were entranced by the nymphs' dancing. Well Jiraya was drooling, but got brought away from the nymphs by a dryad flirting with him. You could probably guess what kind of tree she came from?

No not love tree! Cherry. Some romantic fruit that is.

Anycase, just to make things interesting, there were lots of beverages, and, for FREE! Yep, dem alcoholics were drinking like mad along with the trolls. (Never knew a troll drank alcohol? Your problem.)

The unicorns were slowly but surely getting drunk as well... Wine... X_X silly unicorns as usual...

Akiri stood up when her song started and grabbed Jashin to dance. Oh how I love celtic music my friends...

Poor Jashin just followed with the music, since he didn't know how to dance. Yep, everyone was getting pissed on what was being drunk. The fun part of this party, it lasted until at least five in the morning. Everyone went home to sleep, some sleeping and being carried by the mostly sober ones. Akiri was completely drunk, Kisame, Jashin and Hidan had to carry her.

The cat? Weeeeelll... She was on the roof singing her lungs out and fell of onto the balcony. She grumbled and went into her apartment.

The four going to Akiri's were singing and laughing. Akiri was stumbling around. "Wonder if Ichibi would ever drink? The last time she did, we had to spend a week getting her sober!" Akiri cackled with laughter. They soon arrived at the apartment and all fell down on the bed, laughing.

Jashin was on top of Akiri, but she didn't do anything, being drunk and all...

Kakashi on the other hand was in his bathroom, throwing up. I think his liver went as well... Gah! Disgusting! No thinkie! No thinkie! He just chugged up everything he had. Well, mixing alcohol is dangerous. Po10cy, Cream liqior, beer, ale, wine, tequila, vodka, martini's, whiskey, brandy, name it, he drank it all... Explains why he's puking his guts out.

Tsunade, well... She was on the stairs of the hokage's tower, passed out.

Everyone else was either in their own bed thanks to some help, others were on the ground in their houses, others were outside sleeping ontop of each other.

Yep, everyone was either passed out or still awake. And that's where we return to Akiri. Jashin kissed her, she kissed back. Kisame and Hidan both had the same idea as Jashin and scrambled closer. Kisame sat her up and pulled her between his legs, her back to him. He started massaging her breasts, earning him a moan. Jashin was at her neck, Hidan on the other side of her neck.

Ooohh! Yaoi!

I always wanted something between Kisame and Hidan to happen. Seems mostly unlikely, but I want it. Fuck all ItachiXKisame and KakuzuXHidan fans. Kisahida!

Okay where were we? Hidan moved his lips from Akiri's neck and attacked Kisame's lips. They both grunted in pleasure. Akiri moaned as Jashin bit down on her neck, unbuttoning her shirt and unclasping her bra. Hidan moaned as Kisame nipped at his neck. Jashin pulled at Hidan's pants, taking them off. Kisame removed Akiri's shirt and bra, Hidan suckled on her right breast.

Soon, all four of thems' clothes were off. Akiri started feeling uncomfortable, really uncomfortable. Hidan was at her neck again, Kisame biting her nipple and Jashin stroking his boner. She started to squirm slightly, but Kisame held her down. She lay accross his lap, his knee digging into her back slightly. Akiri wrenched forward, making everyone freeze. She scrambled off the bed, but fell to the floor in her half drunken state. Kisame pulled her back on the bed, she on the other hand bit him and tried to get away, only to find herself laying flat on the bed with her held legs apart by Jashin.

She couldn't scream as Jashin's lips were on hers again. Kisame grinned and plunged two fingers into her. She gasped, allowing Jashin to slip his tongue in her mouth. She tried to get free of Kisame's grip, struggling. Hidan's eyes flared, he was lip locked with Kisame again. Akiri moaned, trying to free herself still.

The two men moved as Jashin positioned himself at her entrance, Kisame still pinning her wrists down. She screamed. "HELP! RA-" She was silenced by Jashin again.

Momo and Luna jumped awake and ran to where they heard the scream, but failed to pinpoint it as they couldn't hear anything. All was silent as they looked around frantically, turing around and running around the apartments.

Akiri was still trying to free herself when Jashin took the plunge. A jolt of pleasure shot up her spine, making her moan. Jashin knew he had to keep her quiet somehow, so he nodded to Kisame who understood. He got a mouth gag and fastened it around her mouth, successfully getting himself bitten in the process. He screamed.

Luna and Momo jerked their heads to Akiri's apartment. "That way," Momo ran, Luna followed. They burst through the living room to the bedroom. They froze, so did the three men. Momo and Luna both rose their hands like cowboys. "Stick 'em up!" Luna shouted.

Jashin, Kisame and Hidan laughed at them. "No." Jashin simply said.

Momo grinned. "Very well." Her wrists flicked, there were four bangs and Kisame, Hidan and Jashin groaned in pain and fell off the bed. Smoke rose from both of Luna's and Momo's pistols. They both blew the pistols as Akiri removedthe gague.

"At fucking last! Where were you?!"

"Looking for the scream..." Momo scratched her head. "I guess that's what they were doing..." Akiri turned and looked at the idiots on the floor. She stood abruptly and got her clothes.

Momo turned to the three men. Kisame got shot in the shoulder, Hidan's got one through the leg and the other through his jinglewink, Jashin got shot in his ankle. Momo laughed. "Where we going Akiri?" She asked.

"Your apartment." Akiri stomped out of her apartment fully dressed. The other two followed.

Jashin sat up, Hidan was groaning in pain. "Well... That was fun..."

Kisame and Hidan fainted. Jashin plopped down on the bed and passed out.

The next morning was very eventful. Yep, everyone's been asleep for a full day till 5 the next morning.

Kisame woke up with one hell of a hangover and Hidan on his stomach. **WTF?!** Kisame jumped up, his willy flapping about. He scratched his head. **What the hell happened last night?**

He saw Jashin on Akiri's bed and Hidan just waking up. "Hey, guys, what did we do?" He asked.

Hidan sat up shaking his head. Jashin sat up as well, his head pounding. "Where's Akiri? I know Akiri knows something." Jashin said, looking around. "Where the fuck is my clothes?" He turned around wildly.

They heard the door open in the living room. Someone walked in. "Oh fuck." They all turned to each other in panic.

**Me: hahahahahahhaahahhahahahhaha muahahahahahahahhahahahaha, muahahaha!**

**Kisame: no more, please!**

**Me: I thought I had locked you up!**

**Deidara: anyway, please review guys! Ciao!**

**Background: me kills kisame and then gives deidara a big smooch on the cheek.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Oops!

**Ichibi's p.o.v**

Stare. That's all I did. Stare. That mean, moronic god had locked me up in my room while I was passed out. Now I have a hangover. Great! I wish I didn't touch the alcohol! But, meh, I don't actually care, I shall escape! Somehow...

Just then, something in my head told me to look up. I saw that idiot, Hades, grinning widely and holding up a bottle of Jack Daniels. Empty. As I looked at him, I realised his expression showed a sick, maliceous killing intent. How do you beat the God of the Underworld? Easy, you can't!

"Crap!" I dashed between his legs and out into the hallway, running as fast as my denim covered legs could carry me.

Yep, I'm in trouble, I thought, screaming my head off while I ran. "Crabsticks!" I stopped when I, yes I, the all famous for jumping in front of a sword, Ichibi, saw a dead end. Then I started panicking. "I swear I didn't do it!" I yelled, covering my face. Oh how pathetic my brain is. Hades stood behind me.

"BOO!"

"WAAH!" Five metres up in the air I jumped. To say the least, I fell on top of the god, falling him flat. And so I was being thrown with everything.

I wished I was alive right there and then, so I wouldn't have to deal with a crazy god. I stopped, turned and then heard someone walk through the hallways.

WHACK

I flew through the hallway, landing lightly on my butt, yeah right, I slammed down hard. I looked up and feared for the worst.

Hades stood in front of me, still holding the Jack Daniels bottle in hand. "You got drunk without me?!" He moaned, pouting. I sweatdropped.

"Eh?" Confused.

He pouted worse. "Why didn't you call me?!" I sighed, stood up, grabbed the empty bottle and pulled him toward the bar.

There we sat and drank. Yep, we drank. Anything that was left over was finished by us. God I sound like an idiot. So yeah, we were fairly pissed and started talking.

"Haha, and then, just as I was opening my eyes, that dumbass Sasuke tries to kiss me!" I cackled, holding the glass to my lips.

"Damn! Never thought had he -he - had it in him." Hades said.

"Well he did kiss me! Accedentally! I mean, he tripped!" I laughed. "But I never actually loved him. As a character, yes, in real life? No."

Hades slapped me on my back. I choked on my sake. "Well, there's a lot of fish in the sea!"

And so we were noisy, laughing, cackling and telling secrets the whole night long until we passed out on the floor.

The next morning, I found myself with a hangover. Yep, one fucking big hangover. I suddenly figured out that I was going home soon. I jumped up, banging my head against the bar and falling back down, clutching my head.

"Ow you mother fucker!" I complained. Hades woke up, clutching at his head.

"Well hey there smexy!" He jumped ontop of me. Only then did I realise I was half naked.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" I jumped up again, and again banging my head against the bar.

Hades looked around and saw a poker set. "Looks like we played strip poker..." He grinned shyly.

I looked at the poker set. "Oh dear. What ever I told you last night, forget it! Forget it all! Unless it was about Sasuke! Then don't!"

Hades blushed. "Well, you did say that you have a crush on..."

"NO!"

"Me..."

I covered my ears, eyes and mouth. Hear no evil, see no evil, do no evil. I practically fainted right there.

An hour later, I guess, I woke up with Hades leaning over me. "WTF?!" I jumped, banging my head agains the bar. "Can we please get away from this godforsaken bar?!" I could feel a lump forming on my head.

I stood up slowly and sat down on one of the chairs. Then my stomach growled. I stood up to get food. "Oh no!" I heard Hades scream as I ran toward the kitchen at top speed. When I got there, I grabbed a slice of toast and ate it. I lost my appetite as Hades ran in with his willy bouncing around.

I turned my face away quickly and screamed. "Get some fucking pants on!"

"Something tells me you gave me a blowjob..." Hades sighed. I glared at him. He stood in one of those godly poses with his willy hanging downward.

I, on the other hand, almost fainted! "Put that thing away!"

"What? I'm still 24." He stuck his tongue out. I just shivered with the grossness, then turned and walked back to my room, hearing Hades sigh behind me.

And then...

I was suddenly pinned to the wall with my tiny, timple-ton tits against the wall. "Get of MEE!" I screamed. Yeah well, wouldn't you if a God's huge penis was poking in your thigh?

I thought so. Anyhow, I screamed, so yeah, that's all I did. Scream. Hades seemed to be chuckling in my neck. I blushed a deep red. Heck, I think I belonged in a fridge, looking like a frickin' tomato.

And yes, I was still half naked, with only mah panties and a shirt on. "Dammit Hades! Get off!"

He chuckled again. "Well, to say the least, Jashin has tried getting to your lovely big breasted friend there." And then he backed away. "Come to think of it... I actually am better. SON OF A BITCH! I'm going to earth to get Akiri and kick Jashin's ass!" And then he stomped off, leaving me dumbfounded.

Yep, I only comprehended about three seconds later. "WTF! Hey get back here! You leave Akiri alone you asswipe! And what in the heck did Jasmine do?"

"Jashin!"

"Jashin do?"

"What?"

"What?"

"Huh?"

"Eh?"

"Que?"

"Si."

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"Dammit!" I screamed, gripping my head. **One... Two... Three...** I breathed and then spoke. "What did Jashin do?" I asked, slowly.

"Oh him? He tried to rape her along with Kisame and Hidan." My jaw fell to the floor. "But that was like weeks ago in the normal world if you think about it." My jaw was still unhinged. Hades sighed, stretched and then dissapeared.

The next thing I know, I was being pulled along to a huge circle sorty thingy and then I had to stand in the middle. Hades stood on a smaller circle and then I was being sucked out of the air...


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Reverse!

Last we left off with the three naked men in Akiri's room, panicking as someone entered the appartment.

The door burst open and... Jashin's sister in law who is actually his cousin from another cousin from his mother's, father's side of the family stepped in.

Nope, it was Akiri. "What the fuck were you three thinking?!"

They gulped loudly.

"Well?!"

Everyone looked at Jashin. "Hey! It wasn't my fault the whole village got pissed!"

"Oh yeah, that's right." Kisame commented.

"Can we just skip to the point here?" Akiri asked.

Hidan held up his hands, furrowing his brow. "So what did we do?"

"I don't know, we need to ask someone who wasn't drunk." Jashin said.

Everyone looked behind Akiri at Momo. "Don't look at me like that! I was pissed too!" She countered, waving her hands and then suddenly gripping her head. "GAH! My head!" Yep, everyone in the village was groaning and gripping their heads.

In Tsunade's office...

"Iruka, get Akiri and the others in here." She said, still gripping her head.

Iruka nodded and slowly made his way to Akiri's appartment, gripping his head in pain. He knocked on the door, which soon opened to reveal a really, very pissed Akiri. "What?"

"Lady Tsunade wants to see you." Iruka said, shying away from the fierce woman's gaze.

Akiri sighed. "Fine." She shut the door and went to get dressed after showering. Jashin sat on the couch, Kisame on the floor and Hidan was passed out on the kitchen countertop after seeing his pierced dick.

Where and how Momo and Luna got the pistols, only God knows, cause now they were trying to figure a way to get them back.

Akiri finished up and then left for the hokage's tower with Momo, Jashin and Luna in tow. As soon as they got in there, Tsunade glared at Akiri.

"Akiri..."

"What?"

"That was... One kick-ass fucking party last night!" She said, a little too loud. Momo clutched at her head.

Akiri sweatdropped. "Is that all?"

"No." Tsunade said, seeming to be deep in thought. "I have a mission, but it will require quite a group to complete it. It could take up to a week to complete."

Momo fainted, Luna jumped out of the window, Jashin dived between Akiri's legs and Akiri just stood there. "When do we start?"

"Tomorrow. No parties please, you need to be fresh for the journey. I will hand you the mission slip now so you can get ready."

Akiri nodded. "How many of us?"

"Eh?"

"How many of us are required to go?"

"Oh, uh, at least ten."

Another nod, and then Tsunade gave her the mission paper. Akiri turned and went back to her apartment, Jashin, Momo and Luna in drag.

Kakashi overheard the conversation and wanted to join them, so he went over to Akiri's. "Whoop-de-fucking-doo!" He heard from inside. "I ain't taking any morons along like you Hidan! You're a complete and utter imbicile! I mean, look at the mission!" Kakashi sighed and then knocked on the door, which swung open and revealed Momo.

"I want to ask Akiri something."

"What do you want scareshit?" Akiri asked, really in the pissed off zone.

Kakashi was pulled inside. "I, uh, wondered if I can go along on the mission..." He ducked as if avoiding the feared baseball bat.

Akiri however considered his request and then nodded. "Yes." Kakashi sighed in relief. "Be here at eight tomorrow morning, if you're late, we're leaving without you." Akiri turned to the couch and plopped down. Kakashi nodded and left.

There was silence for almost five minutes and then...

"RAPE! RAPE!" Akuto's screaming could be heard from across the village. She burst into Akiri's apartment, Naruto behind her. Akiri stuck her foot out and Naruto pummeled out the apartment.

Akiri sighed. "What am I going to do with you Akuto? You seem to get attacked by Naruto every three seconds."

"Hey its not my fault he can't resist this dead-smexy piece of ass." Akuto looked like a chicken as she showed off. Yep, so the rest of the morning was boring, nothing much happened, except Akuto walking straight into a pole.

Around five in the evening, Akiri was in the kitchen, making chocolate. Momo sat on the counter, drooling her bodily liquid out.

Kisame sat on the couch, bored as FUCK. Itachi had somewhere in the evening appeared in the apartment and was having a glare off with the fish in the tank. Everyone else was busy with their own shit.

Akiri suddenly had a very familiar feeling. "How long have we been here?"

"Around a month, why?" Akuto asked.

Akiri fainted.

A flashback started again. This time it replayed Ichibi's death.

When she came to, Akiri grabbed hold of anything close to her (in this case, Kisame) and threw it against the wall in frustration. "Dammit! We need to get her back now!"

"We still have to wait three and a half months." Momo pointed out.

"I can speed that up."

"How?"

"You'll see." She lay back down and fell asleep with Jashin (unbeknownst to Akiri) clinging to her leg.

The next morning, Akiri woke everyone in her apartment up at 7:30, which gave them exactly thirty minutes to get ready. Kakasi arrived not long after, still half asleep. Akiri had asked Momo and Luna to get the people who she picked for the mission.

Soon everyone was at the gates. Itachi, Kakashi, Akiri, Luna, Momo, Akuto, Shikamaru, Ino, Gaara and Neji.

Akiri checked that everyone was awake by asking them a few questions. If they mumbled, they were slapped awake. Yep, the poor sots. So they set off, to the border between the Leaf and Sand villages. Akiri briefed them on their mission as she flew through the trees on her broomstick.

"We have to kill Orochimaru." Everyone suddenly tensed up.

"What the hell?" Akuto yelled. "That fucking pedophile?"

"Yes. The mission should probably take a week since the dude isn't easy to kill, or to find. We have three days to find his base, kill him and we can return early if he doesn't take that long to kill."

Everyone nodded and sped on.

Meanwhile, back at Akiri's apartment, Jashin, Kisame and Hidan were in the livingroom, grumbling. "Why didn't she pick one of us to go along?"

Kisame shrugged.

So about halfway into the woods, Akiri called everyone to a stop. "We'll rest here for a while then travel through at night. We search at night and report back here in the morning."

"But how the and what the hell?" Akuto complained.

Akiri sighed. "We'll split up into teams of two to three and then head out."

"Wouldn't that be kind of bothersome?" Shikamaru asked.

"Beats me. I just want everyone to find the base." Akiri said. Shikamaru tried to argue.

"Would you just quit your whining, Shikamaru?" Ino asked.

He grumbled something and then shut up. _**This is going to be a long day...**_ Akiri sighed. A while later she stood up. "Split into groups, we're heading out." Three seconds later everyone was devided into groups. Itachi, Ino and Kakashi in one group, Shikamaru, Gaara and Akuto (geddit?), Luna, Momo, Neji and Akiri. Yep, so they set out, each group going in another direction.

Itachi's group flew through the trees, stopping when they saw something wierd looking. Team Shikamaru scouted the forest floor, (that sounded wierd!) Akiri and her group looked for small clearings in the forest. They searched until the sun started to rise, only turning back as soon as it peeked its rays over the mountains.

They were soon back at the rendevoux point. "Anyone find anything?" Akiri asked. Everyone shook their heads. Shikamaru perked up.

"I saw something, but it didn't look like anything really."

"Okay, we'll head there tonight. Find somewhere to sleep and I want at least two hour watches the whole day through." Akiri lay down on a soft patch of grass and soon fell asleep.

Everyone sighed and soon Gaara was left to do the guarding.

Night came around, Akiri woke everyone and they headed out, Shikamaru leading the way to the wierd sight he saw. Akiri halted them.

"What?" Itachi asked.

"I see him. Team one and two head around, we'll go through the front." Everyone nodded and went to their positions.

Akiri walked into the clearing, her breasts flowering on top of her chest. "Orochimaru, I presume?"

"Ku, ku, yes, why? Ku, ku."

"Oh Jesus." Akiri facepalmed. "You're just like the one in the anime!" She stomped on the ground, the ground vibrated, causing a small earthquake as several roots wrapped themselves around Orochimaru.

"What the-"

Akiri smirked. "Sucker. I bet you would just love to try your projects and experiments on a hot body like mine, but my guess is that you only like boys."

"What are you implying? Ku, ku, ku?" Orochimaru asked, trying to free himself from the vines.

There was a tremble in the trees as Akiri laughed. Kakashi fainted. "What I'm saying is that you're going to die now." Akiri heard something behind her and quickly snapped Orochimaru in pieces with her vines before turning behind her. "Kabuto." She took a step back.

"My master... Now, you die bitch!" He lunged at her, Akiri flapped into the air with lighting speed and pummeled down on him, silver fire errupting from her mouth. When that was over, Kabuto was nothing more but ashes. Akiri landed, everyone jumped out from the trees.

"Well that was a waste." Shikamaru said. Akuto whacked him on the head.

"You know very well she can handle herself, we were just back up in case anything happened."

Shikamaru sighed. "Let's head back with his body."

"No. Scout his base, wen need to destroy anything and anyone inside."

"Right."

And they were in the base, searching every room and destroying everything in sight. This took about and hour and they finally emerged back on the surface.

"Now, we can go back." Akiri said, getting on her broomstick and flying off, Akuto, Momo and Luna in persuit with Orochimaru's mangled body in vines hanging from the trio's broomsticks.

They soon returned to the village, Orochimaru, or well, what's left of him, dangling in the vines. Akiri led them to the hokage's tower.

"What?! I thought you'd be gone longer!" Tsunade complained.

"No, it was easy." Akiri said, leaning on the wall, Orochimaru's body on the floor.

Tsunade sighed. "Alright then. I just have to get better missions then."

After that, Akiri dismissed herself and went back to her apartment. There she found the three men, causing chaos again, with Deidara in tow.

Akiri's eye twitched. "WHAT THE FUCK?!"

**Hahahahaha! Cliffy! Reviews! **

**Me: *still killing kisame***


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: A slow destruction.

**A/N: enjoy! This chapter is longer!**

Somewhere in the time spent in the Narutoverse, Akiri found herself on her bed, a lit cigarette in her hand, thinking.

_**Danté.**_ Her mind ecchoed. "Shit!" She stood up, throwing her cigarette, half smoked, out the window. The poor sot who it landed on was a poor sot. "Jashin!" She looked around in her apartment. "Jashin, where the fuck are you?!" She yelled. The idiot stuck his head up from the couch.

"What?"

"I have a problem."

"What problem?"

"Danté."

"Who's that?"

- back to the present. That my dear friends was a preview on the next book. -

The four men looked at Akiri, at each other, one fainted and the rest ran away.

"Get back here!" Akiri yelled. Deidara was on the floor. "Okay, well then I'm interrogating you first." She grabbed the poor idiot and shoved him onto the couch, her baseball bat at the ready. And then she whacked him.

Well, you could say she almost killed him with the hits from her baseball bat.

"Ow! Ow! Okay!"

"Talk! You were causing shit again weren't you?"

"Yes! But it was Kisame's fault!"

"What did he do?" Akiri took a small step back, a look of 'how troublesome' plastered on her face.

Deidara gulped, a few bulges on his head started bleeding. _**Damn, that bat of hers!**_ He thought. "Well, he wanted to make sushi and then we all dissagreed and then I got blamed for killing the fish in the tank and then we all were trying to kill each other."

Akiri sighed. "What am I going to do with you?"

Deidara lifted his hands in the air in a sort of 'I don't know' manner.

They both then headed out to get Kisame and kill him. (Meh, had to add that.) No they just made him wish he'd never been born/ mutated/ spawned/ hatched/ etc.

To make things worse, Akuto wanted to party again. "No!" Akiri whacked her.

"Hey! I just wanna par-tay!" She danced around like a chiken. Akiri facepalmed, so did everyone else.

"Okay, but one drink..."

Yeah right. Knowing them, they drank at least a truckload full. The rest of the Akatsuki joined them. Oh and Pein was enjoying his cognac, staring at Konan's boobs while she blushed like a mad schoolgirl.

Okay, so into the party, music again. This time no songs shall be displayed except this one...

Yo listen up here's a story

About a little guy that lives in a blue world

And all day and all night and everything he sees

Is just blue like him inside and outside

Blue is his house with a blue little window

And a blue corvette

And everything is blue for him and himself

And everybody around

'cause he ain't got nobody to listen to

"Hey! This song is Kisame's!" Akuto commented and Momo fell off her seat laughing.

I'm blue da ba dee da ba die...

Kisame was getting pissy. "Dammit! I hate being blue!"

"Stop whining, fish-mutation." Akiri commented, sipping away at her cider. "You'll get used to it. I already have a song in mind for Deidara."

I have a blue house with a blue window.

Blue is the colour of all that I wear.

Blue are the streets and all the trees are too.

I have a girlfriend and she is so blue.

Blue are the people here that walk around,

Blue like my corvette, it's standing outside.

Blue are the words I say and what I think.

Blue are the feelings that live inside me.

I'm blue da ba dee da ba die...

The next song played as this one ended. It was Deidara's song!

"Hey Dei-Dei! You're on!" Luna shouted, laughing her head off.

**I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie world**

**Life in plastic, it's fantastic!**

**You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere**

**Imagination, life is your creation**

**Come on Barbie, let's go party!**

Everyone was howling with laughter, except Deidara.

"That's not funny!" He cried.

Akiri slapped him on his back, making him spill some of his drink. "Chill out! Hey anyone got some weed?" She asked, looking around.

They stared at her with blank faces and then Akuto started rambling. "No! No weed! You know that shit is dangerous!"

"Man, you're a wipe." Akiri sighed.

There was a couple of conversations, non interesting ones at that, so after the bar party, and forcing Jashin to pay for everything, they went to their apartments.

Akiri flung herself on the couch and passed out there. Hidan, Kisame and Jashin just stared at her and went to sleep in her room.

Wtf?

Yep. So story does as story reads.

- **Momo's p.o.v **-

Sleepy, sleepy, sleepy.

I had too many glasses of wine.

Sleepy, sleepy, sleepy.

My head will hurt in the morning.

Sleepy, sleepy, sleep-

I tripped over the threshold and slammed down flat on my face.

Sitting up, I yelled and screamed at the threshold. After my little madness chat, I went to my room and fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up, no headache. I then sat up too fast and yelled a little too hard. Yep, it was there, it was just waiting. "Gah! Stupid headache!"

"What headache?"

"Whaaa! Naruto! What the fuck!"

"What headache?"

"I have one!"

"Where?"

"My head!"

"I don't see it!"

"You idiot! Its inside my head! I need a Disprin, some Eno's and a whole truckload of coffee and water!" And my head still hurt. So I stood up, tripped over the carpet, stumbled out of my room and got me exactly what I needed.

Naruto followed me around. "So why do you have a hangover?"

"..."

"Huh?"

"..."

"What? Can't hear you?"

"Partyatabar." I said, or well mumbled.

"I can't understand you."

"Party with Akiri at the bar!" I yelled, whipping out a massive machete and banging the flat of the thing on his head.

"Ow! Ow! Quit it! Ow!"

And then Naruto fled out of my apartment. _**Wait what?! I just chased my love out of my apartment! Nooooo!**_ "Come back Naruto!" I chased after him.

I couldn't find him, after I searched every inch of the village. I just had to check at Akiri's. Okay, so I didn't check every inch of the village, so what! I'm lazy, has a hangover, tired and I want a nap. Damn, being a cat person is good.

- **normal p.o.v** -

Akiri was still passed out on the couch, and the three men were in the kitchen, with Naruto, making rammen. Nothing could wake Akiri up, yet.

Momo burst into the apartment. "Where is he?" She spotted him and jumped on Naruto. "Oh I'm so sorry! I love you so much!" Yep, she was rubbing her cheek on his face like a cat. Her purple ears flicked upward when she heard a groan. Akiri was awake.

Okay, so you're probably wondering why she's purple, easy, read book 1! She can turn into a big, purple cat.

Her hair was just pink. What a pointless tranformation. She wanted to dye her hair purple.

"What's with the fucking noise? Momo, coffee."

"..." Momo sat upright, her tail curling lots of ways. "How did you know I'm here?"

"You smell like lavender."

Momo pouted, looking like a chipmunk. She loved lavender perfumes and stuff. She stood up, switched the coffee pot on and helped Naruto up.

"Coffees done!" Momo jumped, pouring a cup for Akiri and hurling it accross the room. Akiri caught it in mid flight and took a sip.

"Jesus Momo!" She cringed at the taste. "No sugar?" She hurled the cup back. Momo caught it and put two sugars in, then hurled it back.

Jashin and Hidan stared at the cup being thrown across the room. Kisame was busy with the fish in the tank. It was dead, so he had to get a new one. This time it was an angel fish. "Pwetty!" Kisame squealed. (Sweatdrop)

Everyone turned to glare at Kisame. "You fucking gay fuck." Hidan said.

"You're one to talk, mr. Kiss Kisame!"

And that was just what Akiri needed. "Bwahahahaha!" She laughed, Momo joined in. "So you mean to tell me that you two fucked each other the other day?!"

Kisame and Hidan were unusually quiet. Jashin gulped.

"So you were the one trying to fuck me?" Akiri glared at Jashin. He gulped again, and dashed for the bathroom.

"I'm going to shower!" He said. Akiri grabbed his shirt.

"Oh no you don't, mr. Let's rape Akiri." Momo was still cackling with laughter and ROTFLHAO. (Rolling on the floor, laughing her ass off).

Translation, Hidan and Kisame was busted, and Jashin was being beaten to death by Akiri. Yep, a very eventful day. Naruto joined Momo in the ROTFLAO game.

About twelve that evening, Tsunade woke up, she'd been drinking sake again.

Poke, poke, poke. Shizune poked her awake while Ton-ton oinked at her. "Go away."

"Lady Tsunade, we just received an important mission."

"What?! Let me see!" She grabbed the letter Shizune waved in her face. It read:

**We need someone to take out the bandits and escort our espionage to the ruins in the mountains not far from Kirigakure. **

**Singed**

**Circus Ring Leader**

**Master Lev**

Tsunade stared at the mission slip. On the end of the letter there was a p.s.

**I will be arriving at your village by this evening.**

"Shit! Get Akiri and her chommies here now!" Tsunade yelled, clearing her office of evidence from the sake.

Akiri and her buddies arrived not long after and stood in Tsunade's office. "What's the problem now?"

"You have a very important mission. The man you see here is the Ring Leader of the famous circus from a very far off land. Here's the mission slip."

"Sorry, I'm a woman."

"Bwaht?!" Tsunade blurted.

"I said I'm a woman."

"Oh, okay."

"You're Lev right? Lev Calderstone from Russia in ze Czech republick?"

"Ah! Ano, jsem! Jak krásné je konečně splnit říkalo Akiri!" Lev said, bouncing up and down, her long blonde curles swinging around her petite form.

Akiri smiled. "Slyšel jsem o velké cirkusový Lev z dálky, jsme neměli možnost takhle na vás konečně poznávám! Jeho velkou ctí být escoring váš karavan."

The others in the room couldn't figure out a word they were saying as they spoke in Russian. "Uhm, what did you say?" Akuto asked.

"Go google it." Akiri countered.

They soon set off, Akiri and Lev talking in Russian, Hidan, Jashin, Akuto, Momo and Luna tagging along. The whole circus fleet, lions, girraffes and all was between them. To explain all, Akiri and Lev walked in the front while the others walked in-between or behind the fleet.

Nothing happened for a while as they walked. Hidan started getting bored so he poked his head into the lion's cage. Doos. The lion attacked his face, leaving him falling to the ground.

Around night, they were still travelling. Akiri heard the trees rustling a little too wildly. She launched a ball of lighting into the woods around them. Several loud thumps were heard as bandits dropped dead from the trees.

A few days later, they arrived at the Mist border. They took a break after three days of traveling straight.

"Jeez my legs!" Akuto complained. She sat down, snuggling her knees to her chest.

"So what now?" Luna asked.

"Its still a day's trip to the Mist village, and then another half day's hike through the mountains to the ruins." Hidan said.

Akuto started yapping again. So they all got rest and as soon as the sun rose they were off again.

Through the village and up the mountain.

"Through the woods and through the sand, cliffs and rocks are in the way, but through the valley and into the cave, its through the village and up the mountain, through the woods and over the seas, scale the cliffs and follow the path, and through the mountain we will go." Momo sang.

They soon arrived at the beginning of the ruins. There they heard a loud road. "Mountain Lion!" Lev whispered. "Keep the fleet here." Akiri and Lev ran different ways while the rest guarded the caravan.

The Cougar stood ontop of a rock, growling. Akiri attacked from behind, pinning the animal down while Lev tied it up with a rope. The Cougar was soon in a cage and they continued through the ruins to a small village just past it.

Upon arriving, Akiri and the others greeted Lev, hoping to see her soon and then left. Akiri got on her broom, the others as well and they flew back to the Leaf village.

**And so, you will have to wait for me to finish the next chapter...**

**Akuto: you bitch!**

**Me: *stuffs akuto in a box* reviews!**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Points of views and lots of shit

- momo -

Bored.

Bored.

Bored.

Bored.

"Fuck! Ghyah! I is bored!" I jumped up and aparently smashed my head against the table. **Why did I have to lay there?**

**Stupid table. Stupid boredom. Stupid Narutoverse!**

I ran in circles. I was bored. After returning from the mission two weeks ago, I was still bored. So I did what any bored cat would do. I sang. Going up to the rooftop, I sat there and sang.

"I'm so boreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed!

Bored, bored, I'm so bored, bored, bored, I'm so bored! Akiri!" I jumped up when I saw the scary bitch next to me.

"Shut up. I'm bored as well."

"So... We can be bored together!"

"Nah, how's about we invite some of the students from Cackles?"

"..."

"Oh come on! I miss them! We can get Miss Cackle and HB to come as well!"

"Okay..."

"Then let's go!" And I was suddenly pulled off the roof, through the streets and into the hokage's tower.

Tsunade sat on her usual spot. "What now?"

"I have an idea."

"Oh please no!"

"No, no drinking, I want to bring some of my school friends and teachers here."

Silence filled the room.

"We don't have anymore room!"

"Yeah whatever, just to visit for a day. Tomorrow could be good." Akiri turned and left. I stood there, looking like a dumbass.

**How did I get myself into this?**

- Luna -

I sat up. I literally sat up. After almost a week, I was so tired that I kept sleeping.

And now this. Akiri, inviting her schoolmates over. Could my life get any worse?

Yes.

Itachi kept lurking around corners, peeking at me, I felt so... Spied on! Eventually after a while, I had whacked him, but nothing seemed to work. Yep, I was being stalked! Dammit!

So where was I, sitting in Akiri's apartment, bored as fuck, everyone else was there as well.

Itachi sat behind the couch, no, more like crouched. Fucking asswipe.

So yeah, we just sat there.

- Akuto -

No boredom here people! I was busy humping ... Ehm ... Talking, to Gaara. "We're made for each other! We both have red hair and we're both psycopaths!"

"Oi! Shut up!" Akiri yelled. I blushed.

"But..."

"No!"

"Dammit." I grumbled. "Bar?"

There was silence. "NO!" Everyone except me shouted.

"Bugger." So yeah, I was bored. I stood up and went over to the fishtank, there was a new fish in. I took it out and then went into the bathroom. No one saw anything. I closed the door, ran the shower and then took out my surgical knife.

What am I doing?! No! I must not write this! Fuck off, all of you!

- Kisame -

I was around. Bored. So I went to the fishtank.

"Where's my fisheh?" I frose. Jimmy wasn't in the tank. I panicked. "JIMMY!" Searching the whole floor and the rooms except the bathroom. I froze. "Akiri?"

"What?"

"Who's in the bathroom?"

"Akuto, why?"

"JIMMY!" I slammed though the door and found Akuto in the shower, blood on the shower floor and her hands. My eyes widened in shock. "You killed him!"

"Who?"

"JIMMY! You murdering bitch!"

Akuto laughed. "Haha, caught me!" She jumped out of the shower, starkers, and ran around the house with me behind her.

"I'll kill you! You killed Jimmy!"

- Akiri -

Two idiots, running around in circles. How original. Just, the one is blue and the other one stark naked. Great. Akuto killed Kisame's pet fish. I wondered who killed the first one.

"Kisame, sit here." I pointed to the seat next to me.

"Not now! Murder first, sitting later!"

I sighed, grabbe his shirt and plopped him next to me. "Akuto, did you kill Jimmy?"

"No, why?"

"Get the fish."

"Okay."

And she brough Jimmy back. In one piece, alive, in a smaller fish bowl. Kisame's jaw dropped.

"See."

I facepalmed. "Why?"

"That tank is way too big! So I put him in here!"

"Then what was the blood?!" Kisame howled.

Akuto held a dead ferret in her other hand. Mentally, I sighed, physically, I fell off the couch laughing.

"Hey, no funny." Itachi grumbled from behind the couch.

"What, was that your auntie?" Akuto cackled, handing Kisame the smaller fish bowl.

- normal -

Yep, so the day went on with everyone dissing each other.

Night fell and everyone was asleep.

ZzzZzzZzzZzzZzzZzzZzzZzzZzzZzzZzzZZzzzZzzZzzZzzZzzZzzZzzZzzZzzZ

The next morning, Akiri waited for Mildred and the rest to arrive. It wasn't long before one by one, witches flew down from the sky, HB in front.

As soon as they landed, the village was quiet. "Well, this isn't what I expected." HB said.

"Yeah, they're idiots." Akiri contemplated. "Get your asses out!" She yelled and in an instant, the whole village was busy again.

"Well, what are we going to do now?"

"I need a favor..."

And then there was a bright flash of light. The God of the Underworld had arrived with a dumbfounded looking Ichibi in hand. "**Good morning!**"

Sweatdrop.

"We need to get that idiot back to life." Akiri pointed at Ichibi. She was solid, but translucent.

HB nodded. "Have you figured anything out yet?"

"Yes, but it requires a lot of magic and jutsu's." She nodde again.

"Right, then. How long will it take?"

"**Hey, don't I get a say in this? I want someone as a replacement!**" Hades complained.

"Yeah, shut up." Akiri said.

"**Who do you think you are? I'm the God of the Un-**"

In a flash, Akiri grabbed Hades by the neck. "Shut up." She said, dropping him. Jashin patted his old friend on the shoulder.

"She's a bitch." He said.

Hades stood up, dusted himself and then charged at Akiri with full force. "**Boobies!**" Like a baby.

"What the-" and then Hades was touching and poking her boobs. Yep, what an asshole.

So the witches discussed the operation. It would take a full day to bring Ichibi back. They would start that night at exactly 12 pm.

Ichibi was cheering, but she then soon dissapeared from view. Back to the underworld. Poor dumbass.

Around six in the afternoon, they prepared for the ritual. Lots of candles, a painted pentagram on the ground, a book of shadows on an alatar near the pentagram, Ichibi's body in the centre, (well, she was busy moulding and starting to stink so the healers got her back up to standards). All preperations were complete.

"Eye of new and toe of frog," HB sang.

"Wool of bat and tongue of dog," Miss Cackle.

"Adder's fork and blind worm's sting," Mildred.

"Lisard's leg and owlet's wing," Maud.

"Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble, double double toil and trouble, something wicked this way comes." They all sang in unison, adding ingredients to the pot.

"In the cauldron boil and bake." Ruby.

"Fillet of a fenny snake." HB.

"Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf." Akiri.

"Witche's mummy, maw and gulf." Miss Cackle.

"Double, double, double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble, double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble, double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble, something wicked this way comes!"

Akiri added the last ingredient to the cauldron, making it bubble and sizzle. "Its ready." She called.

The witches stood around the circle, Tsunade and Jiraya at each end of Ichibi's body. They started the jutsu while the witches chanted.

**Ade e Spirit, concedono la vostra luce, fino a questo giorno, donare la vita, su questo cadavere, restituire la sua anima, tornare indietro dalla sua dimora addormentato!**

The chant went on the whole night long. Each witch circling their hands into a flower type picture. The day would be long.

The whole village was gathered around the witches, but five metres away that is.

Shikamaru stared in amazement.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Earth and Sky.

- Ichibi's p.o.v -

This sucked. Now I'm back in the God world. Apparently they're just starting the ritual. I sat down, waiting. I felt a sudden pull, as if something was sucking me down. I clawed at the ground and then the ground vanished. I was hovering above the earth in the sky. I squinted and I could see a circle of witches chanting, two people using chakra and my body in the middle of a pentagram.

**This is bad.** I thought. I liked being dead. It was great! Yeah well, they obviously wanted me back alive.

As I watched, I saw the sun starting to rise. I had left when the sun started to set. That was like the worst 5 minutes of my life. Time went by slowly, and I felt myself being pulled closer to the dead body on the ground. Every hour felt like one metre, and I was like nineteen metres from the ground.

If you calculate that its like a snails pace. Speed = Distance ÷ Time. That's like 1 metre per hour, meaning that every minute I was moving at 1.6666667 centimetres.

Dammit! Quittit with the math!

I knew I was good in maths literacy, so I didn't bother to stop my mind. Calculating everything was my best!

So yeah, floating in the sky, looking at the earth. Apparently it had been less than four months, but near it none the less. Yep, floating. Just like when I was dead. I floated for what seemed like a second and then I was smack dead in the Underworld.

Now I'm going back to earth. Its as if I was in the sky for six days and then I'm on earth.

I was bored, it took a while. I fell asleep, woke up again, took a nap, woke up again.

And then the final minutes remained, I was starting to enter my body. It felt wierd, as if climbing into a new skin or something. But I had time to get used to it.

I could hear the witches chanting clearly now, but still couldn't make out what they were saying.

**Ade e Spirit, concedono la vostra luce, fino a questo giorno, donare la vita, su questo cadavere, restituire la sua anima, tornare indietro dalla sua dimora addormentato!**

No hope left for me. I was being brought back to life and no one could stop it.

...

...

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...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

Finally! I was back, but the witches were still chanting. I couldn't move yet, so I stayed put. Only when I could feel my toes and arms and fingers and half of my body did I get excited.

Soon after I could feel my whole body. The witches stopped chanting and cold shit was poured over me. I jumped up.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" I saw that the muck poured over me was blue. I stared at it. I was suddenly pummeled over by Momo, Akuto and Luna.

"We missed you!" They screamed in unison. I wondered where Akiri was, and when I looked up to check, Hades was busy chasing after her. I sighed and hugged the buddies on me for now, and then I went to hunt down Akiri. The witches prepared to leave by the time I found her.

Yep, so I found myself in a bar. What a great way to celebrate my rebirth. Everyone except me was drinking. I'm not getting drunk anymore. Okay maybe a little.

Yep, I was drunk as fuck. Again. Hades was fighting with Jashin over Akiri. Hidan was passed out long ago, and I felt myself falling asleep. Sasuke was nowhere to be seen.

"Par-tay!" Akuto yelled, jumping over Gaara and over to a microphone. "This one's for Gaara!"

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream! Make him the cutest, that I've ever seen!

God I turned away and passed out immediately. So yeah, that was my day.

- normal p.o.v -

With Ichibi passed out and everyone as drunk as skunks, they all went to their apartments. In two days they'd be going back to the real world.

The time passed by slowly as they slept. Hades and Jashin on both sides of Akiri. Yep, so sleepy.

- **Ichibi's p.o.v **-

I woke up, major hangover. Sitting up I felt something next to me. Turing my head...

"OMFG! Sasuke!" I screeched, glomping him off the bed. There was a loud 'oof' and then we crashed to the ground. "Where were you?!"

"Oh, uhm..." He blushed. I blushed. We both blushed.

BANG.

Akiri was here. "Shit." I mumbled.

"Akuto! Start packing, buying shit and all, we're leaving tomorrow!" And then the door slammed shut. I stood up and went into the living room. Thank god Akiri didn't see me and Sasuke's position.

Sasuke followed me to the kitchen. We both were blushing the whole way.

The day went by with me and Sasuke searching the village for souvenirs and new clothing, as well as some weapons, food, shampoo, shoes, a pole which I thought was cute, some very strange flowers that looked like butterflies (turns out they were fake), some ornaments and a few suitcases to stuff everything in.

And there we were, in Sasuke's apartment, sorting through things. "Okay, all glass things get wrapped in clothing and paper a lot and put into this bag, the rest can go in these two." I said. And so, me and Sasuke were packing.

Around eight that night, we fell flat on the bed and passed out.

The next morning, I was awoken by a loud banging and Akiri yelling for me tu hurry up. We're leaving in an hour. "OMFG! I can't waste time!" I scrambled to get bathed, dressed, everything outside, and fuck off.

Yep, so all my suitcases were outside. Sasuke helped me carry them to the village gates. Akiri counted us. "Where's Momo?"

"Here!" She jumped from a roof, leaving a small crater where she landed. Akiri rolled her eyes.

"Okay, we're off." Akiri said goodblye to Tsunade and opened a portal sorta type thingy. And then I found myself standing in front of the castle.

We soon unpacked, I had noticed all Akiri's things in the castle, but didn't bother to ask how she'd gotten it here. So I was in a room, unpacking my things for god knows what reason. I noticed my things in my room. That stupid pc that didn't work, my phone, my blankets with Sasuke on them, the pillow with Sasuke's face on it, all my Sasuke plushies, my Sasuke print pajamas, hell, even my damned Sasuke panties were there, although all the clothing was in the cupboard with everything else.

Dammit. Now I'm completely fucked. Akiri just had to do this to me. Now I wouldn't be able to talk to Sasuke-kun again!

Yeah well, Akuto's got everything Gaara. I rolled my eyes and fell flat on my bed, welcoming the new feel of the room. Then I fell asleep. Deprived of sleep, had to unpack everything, and still had to travel like two flights of stairs with one hundred steps each. My back hurt. Yeah, I fell asleep.

-** Sasuke's p.o.v** -

I missed her. I seriously missed her. I sat on the balcony at Naruto's apartment, a cup of coffee in my hands and untouched tomato sandwiches in the plate on the floor next to me.

Naruto burst out screaming, I ignored him at first before I felt it too. I was being pulled by some force. I passed out.

...

...

...

Nice fairies, aww, cute bunny! Elephant? Pink elephant? Bubbles? Trumpets? Oh fuck.

...

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...

I woke up in front of a castle. Sitting up, I noticed I wasn't alone. Everyone else was here too. I checked them.

Kakashi, Naruto, that stupid brother of mine, his gay fish partner, the plant guy, Hidan, Pein, Konan, Deidara, Kakuzu, Sasori and Gaara was there as well. "What the fuck?!" I heard someone call. I turned to see who it was and my jaw dropped.

"..."

"We're gone for like a day and you show up here?!" Akiri yelled. Akuto, Momo, that girl I have a crush on and that girl my brother stalks came running out. Their jaws dropped.

And then Akuto started humping Gaara as soon as he waked up. Momo glomped Naruto and I was glomped by Ichibi.

"So how did you get here?" Akiri asked after everyone was inside the castle, sipping coffee in the enormous living room.

"Well, I felt something and then we all got sucked here aparently." Naruto said. Kakashi rubbed his own head and sighed.

Akiri sighed. I just blushed like a schoolboy because of looking at Ichibi too long.

-** normal p.o.v **-

There was utter silence, except the occasional slurp of coffe heard from Kisame, who was soon thrown with a shoe.

Boredom. And then Sasori wanted to watch Pinnochio. That was all Akiri needed to throw his puppet ass with a shoe. She put another movie in for them to watch. IT.

About halfway into the show, Akiri was pissing herself laughing from Sasori's face. He was scared shitless.

The next movie they watched was called The Ring. The movie was rumored to be the one that everyone on set died after the movie was shot. Bad luck kept going their way every day until one by one they died. (The author finds this stupid and will no longer talk about it.)

A few movies later, Sasori was shaking in his wood.

Akiri then noticed something. "Why is Zetsu alive?" Everyone turned to said plant.

"WAAAAHHH! Its his ghost!" They screamed in unison.

"No I'm quite alive. **Pissies.**" Zetsu said. Poke, poke, poke. Jashin stood behind Zetsu. Poke, poke, poke.

"Yep, he's real." Jashin said.

"**Not as real as this sexy ass chick's tits!**" Hades bragged, playing with Akiri's boobs. She idiot was seriously pissing her off.

So anyway, they were now watching another movie, not bothered with Zetsu anymore.

23:00.

Akiri screamed.

Everyone looked around for the culprit, but found nothing.

She was gripping her head, lying on the floor. Horror streaked her face. Jashin and Hidan were on the scene like Sherlock and Watson. "What happened?"

"D-danté." She mumbled.

"What?"

"**Danté, she said Danté. Wonder who that is.**"

"Probably some ass."

"**Well, apparently not to her.**"

They both nodded. Akiri stood up. "I'm going to sleep." She said before leaving to her room.

Before anyone could follow her, she had already locked her door. Curling into a ball, tears rolled down her cheeks. The horrific image in her mind.

Danté. The image of the man still lingered in her mind as she fell asleep.

That night, she dreamt of him. It had felt like a memory of some sort, she couldn't pinpoint it as she woke up.

She slumped out of bed and went to the kitchen to get coffee. "Hey Akiri." Kisame greeted her, but she ignored him and went back to her room, locking herself up again. She didn't eat.

That became the routine for a week. Akiri stood up from bed, got coffee, and didn't return for the rest of the day. She kept herself locked in her room.

"That's it!" Jashin cried. "She's been like that for a week! Hades, let's go get her!" Hades nodded and they burst through the door, finding Akiri on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Her lips moved, but no words were heard.

Hades approached her, clambered on top of her and removed her clothes until she was starkers. Nothing happened. "**Jashin, that didn't work. Help?**"

"Yeah, yeah." And so they both stripped. They lay on both sides of her, Akiri wedged between the two masculine men. Her eyes were unfocused, she just stared off into space.

Hades sighed. "**The only way we can even have hope of bringing her back to normal is to fuck her brains right.**"

Jashin grinned. "Well, let's go for it then." And so, the skipped foreplay a little.

Kisame, Hidan and Itachi were watching. Fucking snobs.

An hour later, a scream could be heard from across the castle. Hades and Jashin stared at the screaming girl between them, high-fiving each other. Akiri tried to break free of the two, but yet, they held her still.

The three outside were watching with interest now. Kisame turned to Hidan. "Think they'll rape her?" He mouthed. Hidan nodded, grabbing a nice piece of Itachi's ass. He squeaked. "Shh!" They both hissed. They waited three minutes and then sighed in relief.

Akiri was still trying to fight the two gods, but failing miserably. The three outside were enjoying the show so much, Hidan stuffed his hand down his pants and the other in his mouth.

Okay, to tell you the truth, nothing actually happened. Hades and Jashin knew the three dorks were hiding outside watching them, so they faked it. Akiri was screaming and going nuts because she was butt naked, wedged between two masculine gods who were also naked and she panicked.

So there ya have it folks! No rape here.

Yep, so when Akiri quieted, Hidan, Kisame and Itachi pissed off to clean themselves. Only then did Hades and Jashin have their fun. They locked the door, Akiri stared at them, eyes wide. Hades sat behind her, massaging her breasts and...

Okay skip! Not going to type this. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la!

Anyways, so after that little scene, Jashin was thrown out of the room, clothes and all, while Hades clambered back under the blankets next to Akiri. He pulled her closer, her back to his chest. He would ask her about this Danté character when she woke up.

Yep, so Hades slept with Akiri.

The next morning, Akiri mumbled, turning over, only to face the muscled chest of Hades. She tried to scramble out of bed, but he stopped her from moving. Hades' long blonde curls brushed her neck as he kissed her cheek.

Her eyes were wide. Hades grinned, cupping her cheek. "You're mine now." He said and tried to kiss her, but a powerful fist connected to his face and Akiri escaped.

She stopped at the baths, forgetting that she didn't have any clothes, so she just burst in and sat in one of the baths. Warm water flowed into the bath. She noticed her stomach was sticky. _**Shit, not again!**_ She thought to herself, washing the dried cum from her stomach.

Soon after, she walked out of the bathroom, fully clothed and went to the living room. She just sat down, pulled her knees to her chest and fell asleep, curled up in a ball. She was extremely tired, as if she hadn't slept in days.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Electricity, waterpipes, plugs and coffee.

**I got this idea while I helped my dad install two new extentions to the wall with plugs.**

**Deidara: she's getting creepy!**

**Me: *grabs a wire and zaps him***

**Kisame: guess we don't have to worry about shitty wiring anymore...**

**Pein: yeah, back at the base, there wasn't even wires, and Kakuzu is a crappy electrician.**

**Kakuzu: *glares at Pein***

**Me: enjoy! *zaps everyone***

No boredom, now business. Akiri had called a meeting in the great hall, now living room. "Right, we need elecrtical wires around the castle, as in by tonight." Everyone stood dumbfounded. She sighed. "I'll give all of you a room in the castle to put wiring in, and I'll have to show you how to do wiring."

Ten minutes later...

"You got it?"

They nodded, finally understanding. And so they set to work. Akiri did the main power switch that was in the castle's basement. Installing it wasn't such a pain as she knew what the hell to do. The wiring would come later (see you guys, I actually know a thing ot two about electricity.)

Anycase, everyone was busy installing PVC pipes inside the rooms, drilling holes where the pipes would go out the room and to the main power box.

See, when you do electrical work, always install the electrical piping first, then insert the wires, then connect the end point to the wire before connecting all the wires to the main switch.

This operation took half a day to complete. Everyone who didn't focus or was scared to do the work was sent around making coffee and giving it to everyone who worked.

So when every wire in the castle had finally reached the basement, Akiri made sure to count every wire and every room.

"160, 320. Yep its correct. Now to join everything." Making sure the power box was off, Akiri put the wires into a thick rubber isolator and then started stripping the wired tips. Soon after that, everything was connected. Lights, plugs, geyser, pool? "What? We don't have a pool. Or wait, we can build one, but first the piping."

Another meeting was called for. "Right, tomorrow we're inserting new water pipes to the castle because the old ones are fucked. Bathrooms and the kitchen get water piping, none of the rooms to. A geyser will be inserted as well." She huffed. "Get some rest, we're starting early tomorrow morning."

Yep, everyone was pooped. Akuto and Luna made dinner and everyone sat around the table. What did they make, I hear? A classical Italian food named...

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PIZZA!

Yep, so everyone was chowing down on the different varieties of pizza before them. Pepperoni is the author's favorite, as well as seafood pizza.

So after dinner, everyone helped clean up and then bugged off to their rooms to sleep.

160 rooms, 320 wires.

One kitchen, 10 storage rooms, one living room, 20 bedrooms, three bathrooms on each floor, one basement, 15 guest rooms and around 10 study rooms, two to three on each floor.

320 wires because every room has a plug and a light, which makes 160 x 2 = 320, meaning that everything is double. After checking that the wires were correct and testing everything, Akiri went to bed.

So now is the next morning. More work. Great. So the idiots who didn't help do the plumming were stuck making coffee and serving it. The main water valve was turned off, so as not to cause any problems.

Akiri was busy with an upstairs bathroom, sipping away her coffee. She removed the old bathpipe and inserted a new one. All the plumbing had to be done, no matter how difficuld it was. She decided to leave the sewerage pipes alone. New taps were installed as well.

This operation took more than half a day, because the tiles had to be removed, cement had to be chipped away and then the plumbing could be done. After that, everything was rebuilt and then everyone went to bed because they needed rest.

The text day, they had to retile the floors and repaint the rooves. This took just a mere hour to do. No one could bath since the tiles were just placed. Okay, now we get to the fun part of this chapter my friends...

"A pool."

"A pool?"

"Yes."

"How the hell are we supposed to do that?!"

"Easy, I'll get some giants to dig the hole. We're constructing a gunite pool"

"What's that?"

Akiri sighed. "Gunite pools are the most popular design in much of the United States." She explained. "To build one of these pools, the construction crew digs a hole, puts the plumbing in place and assembles a framework grid with 3/8-inch steel reinforcing rods (rebar). The rebar rods are spaced about 10 inches apart, and secured together with wire. When the grid is in place, the crew sprays a heavy coating of gunite, a mixture of cement and sand, around the rebar. The sprayer unit combines dry gunite mix with water just before spraying - this produces the wet concrete material." Everyone nodded a little, but were still confused.

"So what comes next?"

Akiri sighed yet again. "The crew trowels the gunite smooth and lets it sit for a week or so before applying a smooth finish to the rough surface. The most popular finish is called plaster (actually a mixture of cement and marble sand), but a lot of people finish their pools with special concrete paint (which we will be using)." She then grinned. "We will have a fiberglass finish for high durability."

"Oh, now I get it." Naruto said.

"So when do we start?" Pein asked.

Akiri stood up and walked to the back door. "Now." There were groans from everyone.

The initial design that Akiri had planned was a large olympic sized swimming pool. But not square, this one would be more curved and will sport a small river like pool that runs around the pool.

A bridge would be placed above the small river so that the pool can be accessed. In other words, they're operating on the backyard.

The first plan of action was to lay out the pool structure with wood. The design of the pool was bean shaped and the edges of the pool would be shallow so that bar stools could be semented into the pool. Stairs would be constructed on the side of the pool that faces the castle. In the centre of the pool there would be a jacuzzi, a bridge would connect to the wide rim of the swimming pool to a large rim for the jacuzzi.

So yeah. The measurements weren't that complicated. The pool was around 100x50 metres and 9-12 ft deep, depending on the area, the river going around the pool was one metre wide and 3 ft deep, so as to just relax and enjoy the ride, and then the jacuzzi had steps leading to it through the pool.

The pool itself will have a painted scene on the bottom. It would be dragons blowing fire and looking as if they swim along. The river will be filled with small and large khoi fish that will have to be fed daily. The rim between the pool and the river will have beds of exotic plants and flowers, around the outer side of the river will be forest trees, giving it a feel as if you're swimming in an exotic river in the jungle, though there won't be any aligators.

Only the pool will have chlorine, since the river will have fish in, only fresh water is allowed. On the river's floor will be sand, so as to allow aquatic plants to grow. Around the jacuzzi will be a small variety of pebbles and gemstones, along with purple and blue violets.

The pool will be a light blue, so as to be accustomed to the theme. The river will have a light brown color so the fish wouldn't die of heavy colors. The jacuzzi would be around 6x6 metres with seven seats.

The bridges connecting the waterfronts will be wooden with slipless grip on the wood so no one can slip while they just want to jump into the pool. The sides of the bridges will have rope tied to posts along the bridge.

Yep, so they started on the pools. This operation took a whole week to complete, and once it was done, it looked exactly like I just described it. They then moved to the gardening around the bacyard. The plan was to plant huge evergreens and palm trees around the area so there could be privacy, and then inside the ring of trees there would be a garden with all sorts of plants.

The pool's plants were about half the height of the evergreen trees, so it had the feel of walking into a rainforest. Around the pool's edges was a small bar for people to drink, with the wide rim of the pool, they could fit in an outdoor TV that was wired underground to the main power box. The TV was mounted in a stable but low, waterproof wooden box, a DVD player behind the doors below with some movies as well. A path leading from the house to the pool was built with 50x50 cm slabs of darg granite. The pool was situated near the courtyard in the back. The courtyarf was turned into a lapa so that they could relax there as well. A grill and a braai was cemented in place for cooking. The counters of the braai and grill were big enough so that everyone can help out if needed. A large, round mahogany table with twenty chairs around it.

When the huge operation was done, everyone was in the pool, enjoying the luscious greenery and sipping away at drinks.

Hidan was enjoying himself after a whole two weeks work on the castle. But their job wasn't done just quite yet. They still had to refurnish the house, redecorate it, add carpeting to the bedrooms, get new bedding for every room, paint the bedrooms to color coordination, paint the bathrooms and get fragrances to match the bathrooms. Even after that, they still have to bring in the company's equipment. (For reference, see Mad People)

Yep, they were going to have one hell busy month ahead of them.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Operation fishing!

**Sorry this took so long! I didn't have any time or inspiration... T_T don't kill me!**

**Hidan: *grins***

**Me: die motherfucker! *chases Hidan around with a machete***

**Konan: *sighs* well, please enjoy this chapter, even though she took a while to write it. I liked it a lot! Ơ̴̴͡.̮Ơ̴̴̴͡**

**Me: I'm back! So yah, I sorta want to complete the remodelling of the castle.**

Humph. Yep. Day of refurnishing and remodeling.

So the whole group was in a mall. Yep, to be exact, they were in a big mall, easy to get lost, so they tied a rope to each other and a veeeeeeeeeeery long one to the exit so they could find their way out.

Nah, just kidding. It was just a small mall with house stuff. The first thing they got were queen-size beds for every bedroom. So yeah, House and Home was their first stop.

Just one problem though...

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House and Home had (and I repeat HAD) a special on two beds for R100 each. Now Akiri was just pissed off. "What you're telling me is that you FORGOT to remove the SPECIAL last week, but YOU didn't?"

"Y-yes mam..." The poor cashier said.

"Get me your bloody manager."

The cashier gulped. "But he's o-on his way home now..."

"So get him to make a U-turn and get his ass back here." Akiri growled. Hidan was laughing his ass off. Broad daylight, a week after the special was over, the workers at House and Home FORGOT to remove the special on the beds a week ago. Such idiots.

Fifteen minutes later...

"Mam, we can't sell you this for the special price."

"I don't fucking care, it was your responsibility to make sure all the prices were right, now I want that damned special!" Akiri grabbed the poor manager and swung him around.

"Alright mam..."

"Good, now I want..." And so she explained how many beds she needed in total, and then got to the couches and sofas, the TV's, DVD players, cabinetery, tables and chairs.

Yep, so House and Home now feared Akiri. After loading everything into a huge truck, they set off for Jet, just to buy decorative things. This time, everything was bought without a problem. Glasses, cutlery, plates, bowls, vases with fake plants, a tank for fish, a few tanks for reptiles and snakes, decorative things for the tanks, paintings, other creative things and then they left.

So now they're outside the mall, the truck is loaded full, Akiri checked that everything was secured and they all drove back to the castle. Now the only problem was to get everything _in_ the house _out_. Not to worry, they just broke the old stuff apart and threw it out to burn.

"Yaaay!" Akuto exclaimed.

Luna sighed. "You moron!"

"What?"

"Your Gaara plushies!"

"WHAT?! Nooooooo!" Akuto jumped and ran to her room, only to find Gaara in it. "Wha-" faint...

Luna had followed Akuto into her room and then burst out laughing. "Good one Gaara!"

Gaara looked at Luna dumbfounded. "I didn't do anything, she just fainted." He lifted his shoulders.

Luna still cackled with laughter, rolling on the floor.

After about six hours, like eight at night, everyone was in the living room. "So how did Zetsu come back?" Itachi asked.

Akiri lifted her shoulders.

"I was dead, and **then some idiot told me its not my time yet.**"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Hey, is he polinating?" Luna stared at Zetsu, a small flowerbud opened on one of his venus fly trap leaves.

Everyone stared at him. "GET HIM OUT!" Akuto yelled. "He'll attract bees! I'm allergic to bees!" She screamed and dragged the poor plant outside. "You stay here!"

"But what am I supposed to do here?"

"Chat with some of your buddies!"

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"Good idea, but I don't know them. **They look funny.**"

"Shut up!" Akuto ran inside and slammed the door shut. After that she sat down on one of the couches, sighing heavily.

Akiri and Momo were deep in conversation about some of the rooms' colouring. And then...

"Let's go camping then!" Akuto blurted.

Everyone glared at her. "Yaaayy! Fisheh!" Ichibi cheered.

Akiri sighed and facepalmed. "Right, all in favor of camping for the weekend?"

Well to say the least, Deidara, Kisame, Itachi, Luna, Gaara, Naruto, Konan, Akuto, Ichibi and Kakashi lifted their hands. Another sigh erupted from Akiri's chest.

Nine versus eight who don't want to go. "Right, someone tie Momo up, the rest of you get packing. ZETSU!"

"_YES?_"

"You're watching over the castle, any problems when we get back and your ass is mine!"

Gulp.

Hidan then blabbed out. "Hey! Why the fuck can't I get to vote! You bitch! I want my vote to count too!"

"You already did vote, by not sticking your hand up, you agreed that you wouldn't go."

"Yeah? And what about you?! You didn't stick your fucking hand up in the fucking air, I want a fucking revote!" WHAM. Hidan flying accross the living room, into the kitchen, slamming hard into a metal freezer and passing out.

Akiri turned to everyone else. "Any more problems?" Her eye twitched in anger.

"Uhm, yeah, just one..." Ichibi said.

"WHAT?!"

"Hades is humping my leg!" Ichibi ran around the living room with a horny Hades behind her. Akiri sighed. Sasuke, seeing this only now, got pissed off.

He stormed over to Hades and whacked him. "No fucking harem you asswipe, she's mine!"

"Oh, Sasuke-kun..." Ichibi fainted.

"**Hey, I'm a god, so fuck you, tiny dicky.**"

Sasuke froze. "Tiny... Dicky...?" His eye started twitching and after about five seconds... "You're the one with the tiny penis! My brother saw yours and told me!"

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Silence crept throughout the room.

No sound was made.

Sasuke glared at Hades.

Hades blushed like a girl.

Akiri couldn't hold in the laugh and burst out.

"BWAHAHAHAHA! THE GOD OF THE UNDERWORLD'S GOT A TINY DICK!" ROTFLHAOCFB (rolling on the floor, laughing her ass off, choking for breath.)

And so everyone except Hades were laughing their heads off.

After ten minutes of laughing like retards, Akiri called for everyone to pack for the weekend. They would be going to the Vaalkop dam.

Up in Ichibi's room, she was still giggling her ass off while helping 'her precious Sasuke-kun' and herself pack. Sasuke was blushing like crazy because of all the Sasuke kak in the room.

"And that goes here... And then this goes along..."

"Don't you think seventeen shirts are too much?"

Ichibi froze.

"We're only going to be gone for two days."

"... Oh."

Unpack.

Repack.

In Akuto's room!

"Hee-hee-hee. And this Gaara went to school! This one had to tinkle... And-"

"Gah! Enough with me!"

Gaara fled the room. "Noooooooooooooooooooooo!" Akuto ran after Gaara. "Come back my husband-to-be! We're going to get married this weekend!"

"Heeeeeeeeellllllpppp!" Gaara then locked himself in a room he thought was safe.

Not quite.

Huge boobs stared right at him. "Whaaaa!" Nosebleed, faint.

Akiri sighed. "Jashin, get him out."

"Right!" Jashin, prancing around like a little unicorn, carried Gaara out into the kitchen.

Finishing up with her packing, Akiri zipped the bag up and carried it downstairs to the living room.

After some time, everyone else returned with full bags. Akiri, yet again, sighed. "Unpack everything so I can see."

Unpack, unpack, panties, bra's, underpants, Gaara plushies, Sasuke plushies, Sasuke underpants, cookies? Miniature TV sets?

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"STOP!" Everyone froze. "Girls, please! Two t-shirts, three panties, one bra, two pairs of pants, no plushies, no cookies, no extra stuff!"

Sighing, all of them packed what Akiri said. The men's bags were fine. "Right, now, fishing rods, bait, food and drink will go in a seperate case."

Everyone was soon ready to go.

"Zetsu, if I come back and this place is a mess, I swear to God you will never see the light of day in your life. My room is locked, all the windows in my room are locked, I have the key, no one goes in there."

Zetsu nodded. That stupid venus fly trap of his was still in full bloom with loads of flowers.

"Oh and one other thing. No summoning anyone or anything." And then the group left.

Poor Zetsu was left alone in the huge castle for two days.

Meanwhile, everyone was loading their things into the new Ford SUV that Akiri had bought while they were doing the pool.

"Yaaaayyy!" Ichibi jumped into the driver's seat. Akiri stood at the driver's side.

"Get out."

"B-but I wanna drive!"

"You don't have a driver's licence and you are useless at driving." Then she leaned in close and whispered. "If you don't move I'm going to burn all your Sasuke equipment."

Ichibi froze in shock. She then moved to the back of the car.

Fifteen minutes later (because Jashin almost killed Hidan because he wanted to sit next to Akiri, who then kicked both of them and asked Konan to sit next to her) they were on the road, on their way to Vaalkop.

The trip was long. Hidan would occasionally scream 'are we there yet' and then get footed in the head by Ichibi from behind. Akiri then, after getting pissed off with Hidan's talking, switched the radio on and played some metal.

Ichibi and Akuto sang along to some of the songs they knew.

Oh Hades? He was locked in the back with all the bags.

Now we go back to poor old Zetsu. He was bored. The plants wouldn't talk to him cause he tried to flirt with a palm tree, which was actually a male plant, so Zetsu got beaten up by plants.

22:30

Boredom has finally taken the better of him and he looked for some food. Eventually, he came accross a large bull in the field of another farmer ten miles away from the castle. No one and nothing saw him as he quickly chowed down on that bull.

22:59

Back at the castle, one more minute to 23:00.

23:00

Still bored as fuck, Zetsu put one of the movies in to watch, which soon turned out to be a horror movie.

Charlie and the Chocolate factory. He would never watch that again. Once again, shitting himself when a tree was being licked by those cannibalistic children.

24:00

Tired as fuck.

Zetsu put the movie off even before it could finish. Just around where Mike TV was being miniaturized.

24:05

Up in his bedroom.

Sleepy.

Falls asleep on the bed, forgot to shower, his underpants stink and he forgot to hang his venus flytrap on the bedpost.

In all that time, it took six hours to get to Vaalkop dam. The group was now unpacking everything.

03:30 on a friday morning. Everyone was setting up tents to sleep in.

04:00

Finished setting up tents, sleeping.

There was a rustle in the bushes nearby where they camped. The person behind the bushed grinned wildly.

"And finally, she shows her face." The person whispered to himself/ herself.

**Muahahaha! Another cliffy! Who is it? What can it be? **

**Tune in next time for...**

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**MAD PEOPLE IN THE NARUTOVERSE!**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13: An Unwanted Guest.

10:20. Akiri woke up. Having at least seven hours of sleep behind her, she was ready for the day. But not just yet. She lit a cigarette and sat up in her cot.

Pretty soon, she could hear the other idiots wake up too. The braai was going, so someone was making breakfast. Akiri stood up and walked out of her tent, the smell of bacon driving her mad.

Everyone was soon settled around the large table that they found at the campsite, eating bacon and eggs.

Now?

Midday, the sun was at its peak, glistening off the water of the dam. They were busy fishing, and Momo was inside her tent, busy hating the water that she fell into not long ago.

There was a small breeze, the leaves rustled slightly. It was then that Akiri noticed that the leaves rustled a but too loudly. She jumped up, soon followed by everyone else. She scanned the area.

"What was that?" Itachi asked. Sasuke kicked him and motioned for him to shut up.

A deer then poked its head out from under the bushes. Everyone let out their breath and calmed a little.

This was about the time that the person hiding in the bushes stood up and walked into the clearing. Akiri froze when she saw him. He grinned at her. Hades and Jashin stood on both sides of her, ready to fight if needed.

"Don't look so surprised my love." The man said to Akiri, who still hadn't moved. By this time, Luna had her wings spread, ready for battle, Momo had turned into her panther form, Akuto stood ready to summon some undead and Ichibi had pulled out her scythe.

The man smirked. "Such courage, but you know as well as I do, you can fight alone."

Itachi and Kisame jumped in front of Akiri. "Who is he?" Itachi whispered.

Akiri was still frosen in the spot. "Dante..." She then lunged at him.

The man called 'Dante' took a step to the left and caught her by her wrists. "Now, now. There's nothing to fight about. Its not like I pissed in your pudding this morning." He pulled her closer to his chest. "As a matter of fact, come to think about it, it was the blue-ass motherfucker over there who did."

"What did you say?!" Kisame attacked. Luna and Momo lunged to the opposite sides and attacked. Dante dodged their attacks with ease, Akiri still in his arms.

"Is that all?" He asked.

"Hell no!" And then Naruto burst out from underneath the earth, a fist held high in the air. Dante, however, dodged that flimsy trick and kicked Naruto in the ribs. Naruto flew across the clearing.

Itachi stared at Dante. "What the fuck is that guy?" Hidan asked.

"I don't know..."

"Half demon boys, and I'm here to reclaim what's mine."

Luna then jumped out of nowhere and grabbed hold of Dante, pinning him to the ground by his throat. Akiri rolled over just in time to see the Luna being thrown across the field and into the forest.

Ichibi swung her scythe, tearing the half demon's coat.

"You fucking cow! You'll pay for that!"

"I was already dead, so fuck you!"

"Grrr!" Dante lunged at Ichibi, who, seeing the danger, fled by flying up into the sunlight, blinding Dante, who in turn got mauled to the ground by Momo and Itachi. Kakashi summoned a water dragon which attacked Dante to the ground.

Hidan and Ichibi lunged forth, both weilding sharp-ass scythes. It was then that Dante had had enough. A huge blow was emitted around them, a gunshot.

There was a hole through Hidan's chest. Dante had stood up and was now wielding one of his deadliest weapons. Ebony, along with Ivory, his twin pistols, meant for killing demons, was now in position for a fight.

"I get the point now. Guess this is gonna be ONE HELL OF A PARTY!" Dante then jumped up in the air and twirled as he shot a bullet rain down on Hidan, who screamed in pain. Ichibi gasped, clutching her scythe, she jumped up and slashed at the half demon.

Konan unleashed her paper fury on Dante, swirling the sharp edged paper around him. Pein summoned his other five clones, who in turn, landed their techniques on Dante.

Kakuzu used his tentacles to sow Hidan back together, but with failure. Hidan's heart was blasted to pieces. Kakuzu though, didn't give up, so he kept sowing.

Itachi and Kisame, both riding on Samehada, surfed along the water dragon's back and up his neck. Itachi jumped first, creating hand signs quickly. "Fire style: phoenix fire." Fire shot out of his mouth toward the paper which quickly dissipated as soon as he was in the air.

Kisame attacked from above, slamming his sword down on Dante's back. Luna created a whirlwind with her wings. Sasuke also used fire jutsus to bring Dante down. Gaara used his sand, but soon he was drenched with water. Deidara was blowing away at Dante while Sasori flung his puppets at him one by one, each one using weapons coated with poison.

Naruto used rasengan.

Akiri knew hope was lost when Dabte broke free of the fire and shot Luna's wings. One by one, each bullet crashed into the soft feathers, scattering them to the ground below. Before he could shoot both her wings off, Itachi caught him in his tsukyomi.

Luna fell from the sky, into a tree and landed on a sturdy branch. _**Itachi...**_ She thought to herself.

Itachi was thrown to the ground after the tsukyomi wore off. Dante laughed at the pathetic fighters, stowing Ebony and Ivory back into their holsters, he pulled out his sword, Rebellion. Swinging it once, a great wind forced the companions back. He then dissapeared.

Everyone looked left and right, but found no one. Itachi stood up and went to find Luna. Sasuke was unconcious after falling to the ground, Ichibi was tending to him. Akuto helped Gaara out of the dam with some of the undead she summoned. She felt dissapointed that she couldn't help anyone.

Hidan was fixed, although his face held the dire expression of horror the whole time.

Itachi found Luna in a tree not far from the campsite. She greeted him, and then fell from the tree, exausted and beaten, into Itachi's arms. He carried her back to the camp.

Akiri sat motionless. No one talked for a long while. "ZETSU!" Akuto shouted. Everyone looked at her. "He could know where the castle is and kill or have killed Zetsu! We need to get back!"

Three minutes later, everyone was in the car, everything packed, and on their way back to the castle. Akuto drove the SUV at top speed, trying to get to the castle as fast as possible. This speeding caused the trip to take about 30 minutes. (A fucking record!)

They were back. Akuto, followed by Momo and Akiri rushed into the living room.

Nothing was moved. Zetsu sat in one of the brown leather couches watching tv. He turned to look at them. "Anything wrong? **You're home early.**" His black half grumbled dissapointedly.

Akiri then fell. She passed out. Jashin carried her to her room, unlocking the door, laying her down on the bed and opening some windows. Everyone was gathered around her bed. "Get out! Get out all of you!" Jashin bellowed, his voice breaking slightly.

Everyone went to tend to others who were wounded or themselves. Bathing and sleeping.

Silence crept through the castle that night. A sound so vile that no one wants to hear.

Akiri dreamt of the half demon that night. Jashin kept watching her as she tossed and turned from the dream. He swore that night that he would use his powers and all he had to protect her.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: Skeleton Key

**A/N: gonna start holding chapters hostage until I get more reviews. For now, here's chapter 14. Enjoy!**

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**I WANT REVIEWS!**

A smirk crept up Dante's lips as he watched the young god attend to Akiri. _**What was his name? Jasmine?... Not that I care much, he'll be out of my way very soon.**_ He thought to himself.

Moving downward on the roof of the castle, he saw a rather amusingly, large venus fly trap. He moved closer, just to get a better view. As it turns out, the venus fly trap had a human inside. Odd thing about the person though, one half was black and the other half white.

Dante stared at the creature for a while before giving up on figuring out what it is. He was waiting for the perfect moment to enter the castle unseen and get into Akiri's room.

Sighing, he came to the conclusion that he would need patience, and a lot of it.

That's the one thing he hated, patience. Usually he would just run up and kill the bastards, but not quite now. No, now he needed to be as quiet and rogue-like as possible.

Soon, everyone started to enter the courtyard, which was turned into a sitting area. The grills were lit and some time later, meat could be smelt. Dante took this oppertunity, while everyone was occupied with helping, to slip into one of the castle towers.

Dante had watched the castle for almost six days and he had already picked up on their routine. No one ever went into the topmost towers which are used for storage.

Once settled on the floor, he quickly opened the door a crack to take a peek. No one to the left, no one to the right, he snuck down the hallway.

He heard some talking, coming closer toward him from downstairs. He could hear the faint voices of the white-haired girl with wings and that useless red head that didn't even fight.

Thinking quickly, he ducked into the closest room, scanning it before closing the door quietly.

"I don't wanna do it! I wanna be with my Gaara!" The red head said.

He heard a whack. "We're only getting the thing down there so we can get Zetsu in it, Akuto." The white-haired girl said.

Dante stiffled a snort. _**What a pathetic name, Akuto.**_ He thought. He heard the two passing by the door he was hiding behind.

"Wait." The white-haired girl said.

"What now?"

Dante froze. Had he been discovered? "Wasn't the crate in here?" The white-haired girl asked.

"Dunno, why don't we check, Luna." Akuto said and Dante could hear her footsteps drawing nearer to him.

Damnit! Why hadn't he listened in on the conversation they had outside before rushing inside!

He moved out of sight just as the door flung open. "There it is!" Akuto pointed to the big crate Dante was hiding behind.

_**Fuck!**_ He slowly moved behind the curtain. The two girls pulled the crate out of the room and shut the door behind them. Dante let out a breath and walked over to the door, listening to where they were. Thump, thump, thump, yep, they were pulling the crate downstairs. He sighed in relief.

There was no turning back now, he had to get into Akiri's room. He knew which room was her's, just how to get in, that was the problem. If he summoned one of his demons to give him a skeleton key, Akiri would feel it and then he would get busted.

If he tried to pick the lock, he didn't have a key to lock the door again.

If he broke the door down or break any of the windows, she would hear it. He had no other option, he would summon the demon, get the key, unlock the door and lock it again when he's inside. But he would need a distraction.

Thinking slowly, he mustered up his smarts and reached out to the nearest demon. _**Yes master Dante? **_The demon asked.

_**I need a distraction while I summon the key keeper. Go outside and make a huge scene at my signal, then leave.**_ Dante ordered.

The demon nodded and left for outside. Dante then snuck out of the room, down one flight of stairs and down another hallway to Akiri's room. He then ordered the demon to attack. While they were distracted, he summoned the key demon, took the key, opened the door and then locked it again. He handed the key back to the key demon and banished him.

After that, he found a good place to hide.

Zetsu stood outside, smelling the wind. There wasn't anything unusual about that day. Soon after, he heard the others come out to start the food.

"Ichibi, get started with the grills. Zetsu, leave the meat alone or I stick my foot up your ass!" Akiri said, glaring at the venus fly trap.

Everyone was helping everywhere they could. Konan was making a salad with Momo's help (who added the tuna). Pein was chatting with Sasori a little while he and Kisame grilled the meat. Some went inside to get some plates and cutlery to eat with. Akiri helped Deidara cut the rolls and smear butter on them while Gaara, Naruto and Kakashi made a potato salad. Itachi and Sasuke were half glaring at each other while toasting some ham, cheese and tomato sandwiches. Hidan and Kakuzu were babbling about Hidan's organs while cutting some vegetables.

"I don't want any blood in that!" Akiri shouted at Hidan who stuck his tongue out at her. "Don't make me cut that off."

Luna and Akuto were arguing with Zetsu about killing bulls and eating them when they had a briliant idea. "Akiri!" Luna called.

"What?"

"Are there any large crates in the castle?"

"Yes, why?"

"I want to get it for Zetsu so he can pack some of 'his meat' in there in case he gets hungry."

"Okay, top floor, down the left hallway, the first door on your right."

"Thank you! Come on Akuto!" Luna pulled the Gaara stricken idiot to the castle.

The salads were done as well as the rolls, so that was put on the large table already. The veggies soon followed and later the meat.

Akuto and Luna had emerged from the castle, dragging a huge crate with them. Akiri froze, as did everyone else. They heard something laugh and then felt the earth tremble. A demon stood in front of them. Luna spread her wings and Ichibi drew her scythe.

"Who are you?" Akuto asked, summoning a few undead.

"_**Oh just a messenger...**_" The demon chuckled. "_**Dante sends his best wishes, he'll be back.**_" And then the demon attacked them. Akiri jumped high, waving her hand so the table with all the food would dissapear.

The demon was gone as soon as it appeared. "Shit!" Akiri shouted.

Hidan stared at the spot where the table was. "And he took the food..."

Akiri sighed and waved her hand. The table appeared again. They sat down around the table and ate away at the lunch.

After everything was finished, including the bones from some of the meat that was fed to Zetsu, everyone helped pack everything back and wash the dishes.

Stuffed and tired, everyone went to their rooms to nap. Akiri however, fell on the couch and took a nap right there.

Dante huffed in frustration. He couldn't get out of the room, Akiri was in the living room, and he was getting bored.

**What a moron! Great plan! Stupid timing!**

**Reviews please, or I will never post any more chapters again!**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15: Yodeling Yacks, a couple of Yo Ho Yo Ho's and a bottle of Rum.

**Waiting for reviews... This chapter really wanted to go up, but it was held prisoner.**

**Anyway enjoy and review!**

**Thanx for the reviews so far!**

**And an extra chocolate chip cookie to jojoflamingo for the review! :)) wahahahahaha too funny!**

Still stuck in Akiri's room, Dante finally gave up on waiting, so he unlocked the window and climbed out.

He might as well have stayed in the room since Akiri unlocked the door and walked in. She found the window open, sighed and then locked the window again.

Dante frose, oops. No way back in. Now he's stuck outside. What a douchebag!

Yep, I know some of you already think he's a moron and may have looked super awesome when he first came into the story, but seriously? What I think, he needs to get his name hit with a plank sometimes.

So where were we? Ah yes, Ichibi paced around in the living room, thinking. You could clearly see this as smoke was starting to pour out of her ears, and soon she sounded like a steam train.

Everyone stared at her. The conversation they had had earlier about the company. (DM corp, book 1 Mad People)

Akiri said she had workers stand in for her at the chocolate factory, and Momo quit her job as vet. Ichibi got fired after causing kak at work and Akuto... Well... See that is a problem...

She gets to work on scientific experiments while at home... Which brings us to the fish-mutant-thingy in the tank. Kisame was pissed off. That was Jimmy that was.

Boy does the writer feel like bursting out with laughter now!

Anyway. Everyone was in the living room, Ichibi was staring to pace faster up and down the length of the table. Geez, what else could go wrong?

"WHAAAA!"

Everyone turned their heads to where a loud thump was heard. The thing/ person/ whatever, stood up.

Ichibi gasped. Momo fainted. Luna didn't pay any attention. Akuo started to cackle with laughter and the ninjas shat themselves.

There stood the one and only...

...

Pa da- dun dun dun...

Pa da- dun dun dun...

...

Da darra...

Da darra...

Da-run dun dun dun dun dun dun dun...

Paradada!...

...

...

...

GOKU!

YAY!

Beat that mother fuckers!

(Yeah, thanks jumpingbunny26!)

"Where am I?" Goku asked.

Akuto and Akiri looked at each other. "You are in a castle, our present home. You are on earth, but not the one you know. You are an anime character and you will somehow be needed in this world."

"..."

"Yep."

Goku was drooling.

"Hey, Goku!"

"What?"

"Boot to the head!" And then Akuto threw a huge boot at his face which slapped him hard.

Akiri sighed. "Getting to present matters people!" Everyone focused their attention back on Akiri. "Most of us don't have a job, Akuto has one, lucky bitch... Anyway, we need to get back to work. The ninjas can stay here at the castle while we work."

"But what jobs do we take?"

"Luna is still a designer, I can take over from where the chocolate factory left off and you, Momo and Ichibi better find a MacDonalds fast, 'cause there aint gonna be any money left by the end of the month!"

Momo and Ichibi stared at Akiri in mute horror, then jumped up, cast a salute and dashed (or skipped like a pink elephant) away.

Akiri sighed again, and then sank back into the couch. Goku coughed, reminding everyone of his presence. "No we haven't forgotten about your little problem, I'm just not bothered with you. So can everyone now just OKORA SERU*!"

* Okora seru - Japanese for 'piss off'.

The room was cleared in an instant. Goku looked around, his head swinging left to right quickly.

"You too! Oh wait, I wanna have a chat with you..."

The poor sayan was confuckulated by now. And he thought Chi-Chi's mood swings were bad...

Anycase, Goku tried very hard to explain to Akiri what happened and how he got there, but she was ignoring him. "Would you just shut up!" She said with a if-you-continue-i-will-rip-your-head-off look on her face.

He shut up.

"Look, I know how you got here, the bloody ninjas got here the same way! I don't care about that!" She huffed. "Now, I need your help, if and when the time comes, that one of the idiots or I should die anytime, that you find the dragon balls to get us back to life or yer ass is going to be raped by Jashin."

Goku stared at her and nodded silently.

"Good, now fuck off, go find a Bulma thing or something and start looking for some dragon balls." Akiri stood up off the couch and went to her room to get dressed in her bikini to swim.

...

...

...

And now your asking where's she gonna swim, right?

Remember the pool they built?

Yes that one.

No, not the one next to O'Malley's farm yard! The other one! In the backyard!

Gah! I give up!

Dante watched Akiri as she walked outside to the pool, carrying a towel, so he began the descent downwards.

Then the plant thing came out as well. Great, plan foiled, again. Burning in the sun on the roof, only shade not near the house is in the woods. Oh what a great plan.

Don't all men make mistakes? Oh that's right! Their brains are stuck up their asses!

So where was I before I started to badmouth men? Oh yeah!

Akiri climbed into the pool, relaxing when she got to the bar stools. Three second later, she could hear some laughing and whooping. Great, her alone time ruined!

Momo jumped into the river and tried to catch some fish, but she was pulled out and whacked on the head by Akuto. "Bad kitty!"

"B-but... My toona..."

"No!" Akuto threw Momo into the bigger pool.

Hidan was in the Jacuzzi, vodka in hand. And I repeat, that was VODKA that was.

Everyone else jumped in when they were ready.

Jashin swam up to Akiri. "Watcha doin'?" Which only got him a glare. "What?"

"I was trying to have alone time."

"Well, we wanted to swim, its hot!" Jashin smiled and hugged her. Akiri sighed.

Jashin swam off to join a few of the others for water polo.

Six minutes later...

"Akuto! Your toss!"

"Right!" The ball flew over the net to the other side. Deidara hit it back. Konan jumped up and hit the ball with her head. Jashin kicked the ball while flipping out of the water. Momo got hit in the face...

Everyone stared in shock at Momo. "Why you little...!" She turned panther mode and attacked Jashin, dragging him under water and half mauling him to death.

Dante watched this from his spot between the trees. He'd been paddling his feet in the water, a leech stuck to his left toe, but he didn't bother with it. He snickered at how the god was dragged underwater.

Akiri jumped into the fight and dragged Momo out of the pool. "You fucking idiot! You're cleaning the pool now!"

Blood was starting to spread around the pool. Jashin swam up, sputtering and coughing. That was smart.

"And you!" Akiri yelled at Jashin. "You'll help her!"

"But..." They both said in unison.

"You both did it!"

The two hung their heads and watched as the rest of them got out of the pool and headed to the lapa. Deidara snickered at Jashin. "No food till you're done! Which means it has to be clean!" He laughed and walked on.

Jashin glared at Deidara's back as he left. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Hidan. "What?"

"Good luck..." Hidan snickered while he walked away.

Momo glared at Jashin. Jashin glared at Momo. "You started it!" They both said.

"No you did! You kicked the ball into my face!"

"It was an accident! You attacked me!"

"You're the one who pissed me off!"

"You got us to clean up this mess!"

"If both of you don't shut up now, you'll be cleaning the castle out alone!" Akiri shouted while she walked on.

They both gulped. "Shit. Um... Shall we put this aside and clean up?"

Momo nodded and they both got cleaning stuff out and started cleaning the pool.

Dante had moved to the lapa's roof. By now the sun was about halfway to setting point in the sky. He listened as the people below the roof chatted and made food. He was getting hungry, some steaks were being made and he could smell cheese.

"Shit..." He whispered to no one in particular. _**I'd probably have to go down there if I want some food.**_ And then he smelt it. "Aaaawww... They're having pizza..." He moaned, rubbing his growling stomach.

And then he fell off the roof.

Everyone turned to stare at him. Akiri grabbed the carving knife nearest to her and walked over to him, pressing the knife to his throat. "What do you want?" She hissed.

Gruuuuuumble. Groigle. Cruufle.

Dante sighed. "Peace?"

"No!"

Akuto walked over to them. "I think he's hungry."

"How long have you been spying on us?!" Akiri shouted.

"Just today!" Dante choked.

Akuto, being a brave ass bitch, grabbed the knife, flung it away and then pulled Akiri away. "Look, he's hungry, he's probably been spying on us for a while without food."

"Right, so what would you do when he changes his mind after he ate?"

"Um... Didn't think about that..."

"You imbicile!" Akiri sat down in one of the chairs. "Fine, _Dante_," she said his name as if it was a piece of shit. "You can stay and eat."

Dante breathed out. Hades helped him up and he sat across from Akiri at the table.

Shloof.

"Oof!" Jashin fell back.

"What now? Oh..." There was a knife stuck in his forehead. "Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!" Momo rolled on the grass.

"Stop laughing and help me get it out!" Jashin cried. Momo snickered and then pulled the knife out. Jashin stood up and sighed. "Let's get finished."

And they were done when the food was ready. Both of them walked to the lapa and frose when they saw Dante.

"He's eating here." Akuto said. Momo glared at her and sat as far away from Dante as possible. Jashin sat next to Akiri, glaring at Dante as he had a conversation with Hidan while eating a slice of pizza.

Six minutes later, everyone was still eating, except Momo and Jashin, who were still glaring at Dante.

Goku was gulping down serving after serving of food, which there was still being made.

"Would you two stop glaring and eat for funny fuck sakes!" Akiri slammed her fist down on the table. Momo jumped out of her chair in surprise and Jashin fell over.

They sat back down in their seats and ate.

Akiri sighed and finished the piece of medium rare steak on her plate.

"So yeah, what I was actually thinking..." Dante said.

"**Yes what?**" Hades asked.

"Well, I want to make peace." Everyone frose and stared at Dante as if he were going bonkers.

Akuto stood up. "Well that's great!"

"No its not!" Momo argued.

A half eaten steak was thrown at her. "Shut up, I'm thinking." Akiri said.

...

...

...

...

A minute later.

"Fine. He can stay here, but on one condition..."

Everyone leaned in closely.

"He stays where I can see him."

Several jaws dropped, including Jashin's. "You've got to be kidding me! We're sharing a room! I don't want him in our roo-" BAM. Jashin flew out of his seat.

"Like I said, he stays where I can see him, until I can trust that he's not planning anything."

Luna jumped out of her seat. "If he does anything, can I kill him?"

Akiri sighed. "Yes, Luna, you can."

Luna smiled and then helped everyone clean the table.

The living room was silent, except for the TV playing. Dante sat next to Akiri and Jashin on her other side. They were watching The Hobbit. Well, by now, they had gotten past The Hobbit, and were well on to The Lord Of The Rings, The Return Of The King.

Luna cheered Frodo on. "Go! Go, by the power of all things good-. Ow! What the fuck! That creepy thing bit his finger off!"

Ichibi threw Luna with a boot. "Shut the fuck up!" Luna was quiet while the movie finished.

After the movies, everyone went to bed. The time was 01:00 in the morning.

Jashin glared at Dante while he walked into the room after showering. A towel still on his head.

_**Without a shirt on, he does look pretty hot...**_ Jashin thought. _**Wait! What am I thinking! I'm not gay!**_

Akiri lay on her bed, a cigarette in her hand. Jashin sat on the edge of the bed next to her.

"So where do I sleep?" Dante asked.

"Nowhere near the- oof!" Jashin fell forward. Akiri had jabbed him in the ribs with her elbow.

"Next to me or on the floor. Its your choice." She said. Dante, thankful that his back was facing them, grinned.

"Well, the floor is cold, so I'll stick to the bed."

"Very well." Akiri stood up, got another blanket and handed it to Dante.

I think he got the message and crawled onto the bed with 'his' blanket. Soon, Akiri was fast asleep, as well as Jashin, who got hit over the head with a hammer.

Dante stared up at the ceiling of the four poster bed. A fairy glided over some flowers in the scenery.

His mind wandered, yet again, to perverted thoughts, which he blocked out and went to sleep.

**Ichibi: the guys a creep!**

**Akuto: ag chill! *smiles and pats a gaara plushie* **

**Akiri: *rolls eyes and grabs plushie, burns it, throws it over a cliff, buries it, burns it again and then blows it up***

**Akuto: *gasp* nooooooooooooooo!**

**Gaara: I wish that was me... *sigh***

**Akiri: I can help you with that...**

**Me: okay! *waves arms like a chicken and points camera to her face* reviews plz and don't miss chapter 16!**


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16: Back

Akuto was bored. Reaaaalllly booooooreeeed. She stood up, off the couch, walked over to the sleeping Ichibi and poked her till she woke.

"*yawn* what?" Ichibi asked.

Akuto grinned. "Let's go do something!"

"WHAT?! You perverted bitch! Get away!"

"Shut up! I didn't mean that!" Akuto said and whacked her.

"Then what?"

"Let's go cause some chaos!"

"Yay!" And they both ran off to plan.

And so, began the day of horror. Starting with Naruto.

Ichibi snuck behind the couch that Naruto sat on. She popped up from behind the couch slowly, and moved a few steps away. "Hey Naruto!"

"What?" He asked.

"Go pink!" She scampered away.

"Huh?" Naruto turned around and saw Ichibi running. "Wh-" SPLOOSH!

Itachi had walked down from the stairs at that moment. He saw pink. "Bwahahahahhahahahaha!" He laughed and rolled on the floor. Akuto and Ichibi ran down from where they were hiding.

Akiri walked down the stairs. She saw Naruto covered from head to toe with neon pink paint. But that was not what ticked her off. "My new couch!" She yelled and turned to the two miscief makers, her eye twitching.

"Hey Akuto?" Ichibi whispered.

"What?"

"We're so fucked aren't we?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Run!" And they ran away as fast as their flimsy legs could carry them, BUT, Itachi threw his leg out and tripped them, making them fly into the brand new R10 000, varnished, oak coffee table, breaking it. This caused Akiri to nearly kill them.

Okay, so after the two and Itachi (because he caused the coffee table to break) got a massive lashing from Akiri, they all sat in the river running around the pool, cooling their behinds.

Dante was still asleep, pizza on his head from the previous night's partying. Jashin was on the floor. Akiri burst into the room, waking both of them. Jashin pissed himself, wetting the new wooden floor. Akiri picked him up and lashed him, threw him out of the window, into the pool with his undies ripped, flailing behind him.

Everyone was in the living room, no one sat on the pinkly painted couch. Akiri heard a loud creak and looked up. She heard it again, sighed and looked down at the floor. It wasn't there anymore, in its place was a huge hole. The whole group of misfits were sucked into the hole.

"Whaaa!" Momo yelled as she fell.

An assassin sat on the roof, aiming his sniper rifle at the hokage's head.

Tsunade sat in her office, endulging in a delicious cup of tea. Shizune burst into her office. "Lady Tsunade!"

"What?" She grumbled.

"There's a-" *sounds of outerspace and aliens, lazerbeams etc* a lot of grunts were heard as people fell down through a portal.

Bang!

Ichibi stood up. "What was-" bang! She dropped to the floor. Akiri stood up from where she had fallen.

"Well that's unexpected." She said, looking at the now dead again, Ichibi. She turned to see a man running away.

Jashin tapped Akiri on the shoulder, signaling her to capture him. She waved her hand and a long rope shot out the window, latched onto the man and then she reeled him in.

"Leggo! Leggo!" The man shouted. Akiri sighed and then banged him on the head, knocking him unconcious.

Saske stared in shock at his beloved 'Chi-Chibi' (sweatdrop). Akiri turned back to Ichibi's corpse. "Great! What the fuck do we do now?!" She yelled.

"Um... Why not bring her back like last time?" Akuto suggested.

"Won't work." Akiri threw the dude to Dante.

"Who's he?" Tsunade asked.

Akiri, yet again, sighed. "Dante Sparta. Half demon." She turned and walked out of the office.

Tsunade looked at everyone there. She saw Goku. "And you are...?"

"Who me?" Goku asked. "I'm Goku!" He said and bolted after Akiri.

Everyone sighed and walked out as well. Sasuke picked Ichibi's corpse up and left as well.

Akiri sat in her appartment. Kisame was crying his eyeballs out. "Jimmy!" Yep, the fish had died.

Meanwhile, near Konoha's gates, a woman with blue hair had woken up. "Where am I?" She asked and started walking to the gate.

"Freeze!" One of the guards shouted.

She froze.

"Who are you, and what is your purpose?" The other one asked.

"I-im Bulma, and I don't know why I'm here or how I even got here." She said.

The guard nodded to the other and they arrested Bulma and dragged her to the Hokage's tower.

Akuto sat outside on the balcony of Akiri's appartment. She heard screaming and looked down to the street. "OMG! AKIRI!" She ran in and yapped.

Soon, Akiri, Akuto and Goku were in Tsunade's office as well as a freaked out Bulma. "Bulma!" Goku shouted in relief.

"Goku? What are we doing here?" She asked.

"Well, for one, you need to find the dragon balls." Akuto stated.

Bulma turned to the red head. "Huh?"

Akiri sighed. "Get your dragon ball radar thingy out and start looking for balls." She said and shoved Goku forward.

"What?" Goku complained. "We have to go alone?" He whined.

"No." Akiri turned and left. The others followed, leaving a dumbfounded Tsunade and Shizune.

"What did they mean by dragon balls?" Shizune asked. Tsunade lifted her shoulders and went on to drinking sake.

Akiri had finished packing for a trip. Soon, all of the Akatsuki (that was not left behind, meaning Konan, Pein, Zetsu and Sasori were left in Konoha), Akuto, Momo, Luna, Naruto, Sasuke, Kakashi and the other two were ready. They left to go find some balls.

After a while, the group stopped to rest. Akiri turned to Bulma. "How far is the nearest dragon ball?"

Bulma looked at the radar. "Ten metres west." She said. Akiri nodded and sent Momo and Naruto to retrieve it.

A few minutes later, they came back, dragon ball in hand. "Great. On to the next one." Akiri said.

And so, the dragon ball hunt begins!


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17: Back in the Underworld with more akwardness...

**Sorry for the late post, haven't had any time to think properly, and school, and I was busy. So yeah, readers who don't like the story, go fuck yourself and others who like it, here's cookies for y'all.**

**Kisame: her and her bloody cookies**

**Me: hey! I love giving cookies!**

**Itachi: she's annoying.**

**Me: do you want your underpants sold on e-bay?**

**Itachi: *runs away at full speed***

**Anyway, I've gotten myself busy with MikuMiku Dance and PMD Editor and Metaseq. So I was busy. Here's the chapter, hope you enjoy and:**

**Me: itachi, you're on! Get back here!**

**Kisame: *sigh* review or I will eat you.**

**Me: *stares* isn't that a little graphic Kisame?**

**Kisame: meh.**

**Sasuke: *walks into room* why is Itachi running away?**

**Me: I told him I'd sell his underpants on e-bay**

**Sasuke: oh. Well, readers, enjoy and review.**

- Ichibi's p.o.v -

I was floating, again. This was seriously turning into a problem for me. So yeah, I was floating and then I fell and landed on my butt.

I looked around. Once again, I'm in the underworld. Sucks to be dead. What akward moments await me now, I wonder?

I see Hades, stand up and run over to him. "Guess what?" I asked. Hades turned around and almost fainted.

"**No, no! My beautiful alcohol!**" He cried and ran off, probably to go protect it?

So yeah, I followed him to his castle and walked up to the room with my name on it. (I carved it there!)

And then I was bored. So guess what I went to do after an hour? I went to the kitchen, already hungry as fuck. Geez, being dead is horrible.

I will hand over to the author now, since I didn't do anything else.

MariXwic32: Yay, now I can continue!

- Normal p.o.v (back in the living world) -

Three weeks ago, they had set out to find the dragon balls and had only found two. Now, Akuto was summoning her zombies left and right to protect against the new intruders. Karin (had a crush on Sasuke) was attacking them with Juugo and Suigetsu alongside her.

Akiri launched herself in the air and launched a ball of lightning that struck Suigetsu. He cried, fried and then fell dead. Poor fuck.

Anyway, Itachi, Sasuke and Hidan were fighting off Juugo, while Momo and the rest were lounging around.

Dante stood up, pulled out Ebony and shot Karin. She dropped dead. Then he aimed at Juugo and shot again. He dropped dead.

So they were dead and now Akuto could get the dragon ball that was hidden behind some bushes.

Akiri sighed. "So there's no problem there anymore." She kicked Karin's corpse.

Three hours later, the group sat in the desert. "Great!" Akuto shouted.

"Shut up!" Momo yelled. "I have a headache!"

Luna saw something on the horizon. "What's that?" She asked, pointing to the object.

Akiri looked up. "Well, looks like an oasis." She said and stood up.

Deidara jumped up and started running towards it. Soon everyone was following. They got there, only to realise it was only a mirage. "Noooo!" Akuto wailed and Kisame joined her.

"Hn, you guys are annoying. There's a dragon ball right there." Itachi pointed to the sand.

Deidara's eyes widened and Sasuke grabbed the ball, only to cause an eruption in the desert. Then a desert worm lurched out of the sand and started screeching.

Goku's eyes widened. "RUN!" Akiri shouted.

Naruto, Sasuke and Kakashi were at the back of the group, trying to defend. Akiri summoned broomsticks and got on one. Goku flew up into the sky, carrying Bulma.

The rest of them got on the other brooms (two each) and soon they were flying away from the desert. Sasuke put the dragon ball with the others.

"Akiri," Dante said. "Let's rest for a while." He complained. They'd been traveling for over an hour without rest.

Akiri sighed. "We can't, the next dragon ball is up ahead in that mountain." She pointed to the huge, tree-covered mountain. Itachi (with Kisame on the broomstick behind him, moaning that fish weren't meant to fly) flew closer to Akiri.

"Will we be able to rest once we're in the mountain?" Itachi asked.

Akiri nodded. "Just before we get the dragon ball, other wise we'll be tired when another attack comes up."

They flew on. Goku had given Bulma to Akuto so he could fly better. The bitch was heavy!

Anyway, they got to the mountain, dismounted the brooms, Sasuke rubbing his ass from solid wood. "You really need to get some seats for these!" He complained. Akiri turned to him.

"Screw you!" She said. "This is the traditional way of riding broomsticks. Seats were made for comfort, and if there's comfort for your ass on a broomstick, you might as well crash and die! You can fall asleep easily!" She whacked Sasuke on the head.

Naruto jumped when a snake coiled itself around his leg. "Gyaah!" He shouted. Akiri sighed and removed the snake.

"You big baby." She said and threw the snake into the woods. "Let's go, the dragon ball is inside the mountain." She started walking (more like hiking) up the mountain.

- Ichibi's p.o.v (again cuz the author is bored) -

I found my Blackberry! Yay! So yeah, I started looking for fanfictions. I found one called Pirates With Giggling Fits, seeing as I like Pirates of the Carribean.

After two minutes, I was in stiches. It was such a funny story! Think the author's name is mariXwic32 or something. I swear! The story is shit funny! I couldn't understand what went on, but it was funny!

Two chapters done, so I read the third one up.

Something about 'vicious man-eating sea-rabbits with fluffy tails' and a monkey sniffing his butt and ending up on an island with a salami sandwich. And oompa loompa's hahahaahahahhahaha. I was literally in stiches.

Hade's burst into my room, his eye twitching. I was on the bed, reading fanfiction. "**Could you shut up?!**" He shouted. I showed him my phone. "**Oh no! Not that! Whaaaa!**" He ran out of the room.

I stared at the door, confused, and decided to read yaoi. OMG! I found a SaixSasuke yaoi! Its so cute!

Anyway, after several hours, I got bored, so I stood up and wandered down the hall. I sneaked around, hoping to get a sip of Jack Daniells. :D. Big cheesy grin when I found Hades' alcohol unguarded.

I raided it again.

"Whooo!"

Hades burst in the room and saw me. He gasped. Me being drunk, called him over.

"Yo, honey! Want something to drink?" I think I embarrassed myself right there and then, but I was drunk, so meh!

The god stomped over to the bar and started shouting, but I wasn't listening, I was busy with the Creme Liquor.

"**For fuck sakes, Ichibi!**" Hades yelled. I turned to him and then I was being kissed.

Wait! Freeze!

HADES KISSED ME!

I swear I had imagined it!

Noooo!

mariXwic32: She's lying! She kissed him!

Nooo!

He licked my bottom lip and stuck his tongue in my mouth. Dammit, mariXwic32! Damn you to hell!

mariXwic32: MUAHAHAHAHA *keeps on writing and grinning*

Noooo!

Well, I have to say he's a good kisser...

WHAT!

_**Ichibi! You're going nuts! You're drunk! Pull away!**_ I screamed at myself mentally. But I didn't pull away, I kissed back.

Oh Kami, Jashin, God, Jesus, Spirit, anyone help!

Kami: nope

Jashin: busy hiking, chat later

God: this is too good

Jesus: the caller you have dialed is lauhing his ass off at present, please try again later

Spirit: drinking whine

Anyone: too busy laughing/ bathing/ hiking etc.

Fuck!

So he pulled away. "Please tell me I'm drunk and am asleep." I said.

"**You're drunk and you're awake, Ichibi, and I love you.**" Hades said. I jolted up, stared at him and ran for my life.

"STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME, YOU PERVERTED GOD!" I screamed as I yelled. "I LOVE SASUKE-KUN, NOT YOU!"

"**Oh I think otherwise.**" He was right in front of me.

"Gyaack!" I reered and ran the other way.

"**You're an open book, Ichibi.**"

"Fuck off!" I ran to my room and slammed the door shut. "Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off!" I began crying. "Fuck off!"

"**Ichibi, open the door.**"

"Fuck off! I hate being dead!" I sobbed. I could hear Hades sigh and then he appeared in my room. I glared at him and ran out of my room, but he grabbed my wrist. "Let me go!" I struggled.

He pulled me closer and hugged me. "**Calm down, please?**"

I continued sobbing. "Leave me alone! L-" he kissed me again. I swear I began to sober up.

_Dear mariXwic32_

_If you put me and Hades together, I will kill you!_

_Thanx_

_Ichibi._

I relaxed a little. When he pulled away he scooped me up and sat down on the bed with me on his lap. Tired from the running and half drunk, I fell asleep.

- normal p.o.v -

Akiri found the entrance to the cave. "There it is." She pointed. Momo sighed in relief.

"That was too much walking!" She complained. Naruto picked her up. "Whaa! Pumme down!" She yelled. Naruto was grinning. "What's your problem, got a clown up you ass, or something?"

"He gave up on chasing Akuto around, since she is such a cling-on with Gaara." Luna said.

Momo blushed. "My knight in shining armor!" She screeched and hugged Naruto, who was still grinning.

"Yep." Akiri sighed. "Let's go."

"Mwa! Mwa! Mwa! Mwa!"

"Momo, if you continue, I will put Zetsu on you." Kisame threatened.

"Mw- okay." She shut up.

They entered the cave. Akiri turned to Bulma. "Lead the way." Bulma nodded and started walking. Akiri lighted a fire in her hand and followed after. Naruto put Momo on the ground and everyone followed behind Akiri.

The light from the fire made creepy shadows on the walls. Momo was clinging onto Naruto, tears streaming down her face, that's how scared she was.

Bulma turned a corner and frose. "What?" She pointed to a cave full of lava.

Akiri stared at it. The whole cave was filled with lava about two metres from where they stood up on the opening.

"Well, this calls for drastic measures." Akiri said. She summoned a broomstick. "Someone has to get the dragon ball. Its right down there in the middle on that rock."

Akuto stepped forward. "I'll do it."

"No! Its too dangerous!" Gaara cried. Akuto ignored him and climbed on the broom. She soared down and grabbed the dragon ball.

"Akuto, watch out!" Akiri shouted. The cave started to collapse. Akuto steered the broom back to the opening. She barely made it, the broom's tail was smashed off by a falling boulder. "Run!" Akiri yelled.

The cave started to fall in. Akuto handed the dragon ball to Sasuke and everyone ran as fast as they could. A boulder blocked their path.

"Shit!" Akiri transformed into a dragon and protected everyone with her huge form from the falling rocks. "Stay there!" She ordered.

Momo screamed. "The lava!"

Akiri turned her head to see lava creeping up to them. "Fuck!" She reered her head and blasted some sort of fire bolt to the rock blocking their path. It shattered. "Get on!" She checked the lava. "Quick!" She lowered her body and everyone clambered on.

"We're ready!" Akuto shoued.

"Hold on!" Akiri blasted straight through the cave with another firebolt. Several large rocks fell, she dodged them with ease and soon they saw light.

"There!" Sasuke shouted. Akiri flew at top speed and they burst through the mountain face.

A few metres away, Akiri turned her head to everyone. "Anyone hurt or missing."

Luna counted everyone. "Dante?"

"Here."

"Itachi?"

"Here."

"Akuto?"

"Safe!"

"Kisame?"

"What do you think?"

"Momo?"

"Yeah."

"Gaara?"

"Right here."

"Deidara?"

"Present."

"Naruto?"

"Here."

"Sasuke?"

"Here."

"Kakashi?"

"Yo."

"Goku?"

"Right here."

"Hidan."

"Fucking present."

"Bulma?"

"Yes."

"Jashin?"

"Where else?"

"Kakuzu?"

"Yep."

Luna sighed. "Everyone's safe." She said. The mountain erupted. "We have to move quick." Akiri nodded and flew far away from the mountain. She landed.

"We need to stop the lava." She said and ran with her dragon speed to a lake. She swallowed the whole lake dry and flew up into the air. "Here we go." She roared. A road that could be heard all over the Narutoverse.

Close enough, she breathed in and shot a jet of water into the mouth of the mountain and around it. The water moved quick and covered all the lava at a brisk pace. The lava sizzled at the cool water and frose. After all the water had drained from Akiri's stomach, she flew down and let everyone off of her.

She changed back into her human form and cried out in pain. Dante and Jashin rushed to her side. Some of the scales stuck to her skin and the horns took a while to retract. She was still screaming. "Kakuzu!" Jashin yelled.

Kakuzu was there in seconds. "I've never seen any transformation, but I'll try and help." He said.

"NO!" Akiri shouted.

"Shut up!" Kakuzu yelled. He moved his hands to the horns and let his chakra heal her. Akiri screamed again, she was writhing on the grass. "Hold her down!" Kakuzu ordered. Everyone quickly ran to help.

After some time, Akiri started to calm down and fell asleep. Kakuzu sighed. "Good work." Dante patted his shoulder.

"We need to set up camp." Momo said. Akuto nodded.

"She's right. Akiri is in a weak state."

Sasuke sat down and started a fire. "Where's the next ball?" He asked Bulma.

She was checking the radar. "Righ under your butt." Sasuke jolted up and began digging. Three minutes later he found it, in a skull. Bulma screamed.

"Its just a skull." Sasuke said and pulled the ball out. "See?" He buried the skull again. "Now we just need one more, right?"

"Yep." Goku said.

"We'll need rest before we continue." Bulma sighed and sat down.

Jashin and Dante kept watch over Akiri while everyone slept.

Dante sighed. "How did I ever get into this mess?" He asked. Jashin lifted his shoulders.

The next day proved to be more dangerous than the previous day.

**So there y'all have it. Well, it was a boring chapter to write. **

**Kisame: quit lying.**

**Naruto: you depicted me as a whimp...**

**Me: *smiles* naruto, underpants.**

**Naruto: *runs away***

**Kisame: read and review and tune in next time for the next chapter. *sighs and goes off to find the missing itachi***


End file.
